April 24th – Make Arsenal Great Again

Apologies for my absence. I’ve been on a top secret scouting mission to South America and Eastern Europe. Thankfully as no-one reads this blog this information can still be considered confidential. I can reveal though that I’ve identified a midget double left-footed inside right back with a beard that is just 5 years old. I have it on good authority that my recommendation to AW to sign him is being taken under the most serious consideration. I believe it’s coming down to the details of what coloured smarties and m&m this child prodigy prefers.

Moving on, first a quick review of the F. A. Cup Semi-Final. Sp*rs Lost. Te He. And, not that it’s that important, we won.

Of course, with our new tactics of three at the back (whereas we used to have no-one at the back) we’re now more like a poor mans Chelsea – as will be seen in a month’s time. Essentially we parked the bus and waited out Shitty. In the first half we sucked but the refs and linesman were worse.

There’s no way there was a penalty against Our Ox. But they had a goal disallowed because it was believed it went out first. How stupid is the fucking FA? This is all about using technology. They can determine whether it or did not go over the goal-line for a goal but won’t use it for other instances where the ball does (or does not) cross the line. Of course, their little useless winger dragged down Alexis in the box and there was no way we’d get that call. But 1-1 on the penalty front.

As the game wore on we got more into it and started to resemble a football team. Albeit one which includes AR8. But you got to love Ox these last two games (yeh har – two whole games! – we have a superstar). He was outstanding yesterday – our own little Erickson with the way he crossed the ball.

And that defense (a.k.a the bus). How good was BigEars? Best I’ve seen him play. And Holding was very impressive. Koz held them all together. And behind them we can Cech moving around at the pace of a 90-year old but still managing to make the odd game rescuing save.

No sympathy for Shitty here. They have way too much money and way too little class. They had their chances to win but even with all that money they could not find a way to pick up apart a defense that has let in three goals to Crystal Palace, Liverpool and the Great West Brom.

Bolton and Burnley should be proud of us.

So, how do we change this? How do we Make Arsenal Great Again? I’ve been giving this an unhealthy amount of thought recently given our performances this calendar year. How do we rediscover our creativity and dominance? How do we recalibrate Arsenal to the first 10 years of AW? No simple question and no simple answer. But rest assured you will be disappointed. Anyone that’s read any commentary on this site will no that this is the place not to come to for logical answers or intelligent insight.

I’ll start to explore this profound concept in the balance of this article and, over the coming months and through the summer, I’ll continue to flesh out the details.

So let’s get started.

  1.  Change the Arsenal crest back to how it was in the 1990’s before this modern eye-sore was  introduced.
  2.  Re-Build Highbury and move back there.
  3.  Refuse support to Arsenal for anyone named Piers Morgan.
  4.  Increase the size of the opposition goal to 10 foot by 15 foot (in either dimension).
  5.  Go back in a time-machine and transport a young Viera, Henry and, of course, Bergkamp  into the present day.
  6.  Change the name of our stadium back to Highbury.
  7.  Hire Mike Dean as a sex therapist and snap some nasty pictures of Dean, Atkinson and  Taylor in a three way then sell the pictures to the papers and get all three banned for life.
  8.  Hack into the chip in the football and reprogram it to indicate a goal for us whenever the  ball passes the half-way line.
  9.  Hire Michael Owen as the manager for all opposition teams.
  10.  Borrow or steal Hazard, Kante, Silva, Kompany, Rashford, De Gea and Fernandinho on (free)  season long loans.

There, that should do it. Insightful and critical analysis at it’s best. And this is just the start. This will be sure to Make Arsenal Great Again (“MAGA”). I’m going to trademark, copywrite and tradecopy and markwrite this. So hands off. And some people say I’m a fool!

– LB7






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