April 30th – Arsenal 1 Norwich 0

Dear Reader (I’m hesitant to assume there is more than one), I apologize for the absence of a review for the Sunderland game. I decided that instead of repeating everything I’d said in the previous dreary game that I’d instead train, get fit and see if AW would pick me instead of the useless fucking, donkey that used to be known as Giroud. In honour of the Purple One who passed away the other week – and he left us a very fine legacy of music – who also went through a period of not being named, I thought I’d get in touch with my more sensitive side and see if I could extract any sensitivity and emotion that might allow me to appreciate the obvious torment Giroud is going through.  Impossible task though it was I did manage to rustle up a modicum of sentiment for the useless fucker. It’s not his fault that he’s picked. After a completely abject performance last week (that backheel on the left wing in the second half was a classic) I had incorrectly assume he’d be on the bench.

Did I mention that I hate Giroud? I also hate those pillocks that came up with the awesome idea of protesting during a game about the state of Arsenal. Which is a chicken shit way of just complaining about Wenger. Now there are many things that can and should be said about him. But (1) don’t fucking do it during a game that we need to win and (2) have the balls to be clear that it’s about AW and not the club and (3) Fuck off out the club. Lucky I’m not angry this week.

Did I mention that I hate Giroud? Really, how does he get selected to start? Or, put another way, what would it take for him not to get selected? If he murdered a fellow team member, dismembered them and then had sex with Wengers girlfriend in full view of the squad – would that do it? I’m guessing that if Giroud turned up for training missing his left leg and part of his head he’d still be picked.

Poor DW23, what must he be thinking? Let alone Campbell. Naturally, I hope Theo is watching and getting super angry. So angry that he’ll take his talents elsewhere come the end of the season.

Anyway, when I saw the exact same team for this game I assumed they’d come out all fired-up – attempting to rectify the fiasco of last week. Boy, was I wrong. It was as though AW had congratulated them after last week and told them to go out and give a repeat performance. Static, predictable and pedestrian. And Giroud found a way to be even more inept. He must have worked super hard mid-week in order to find ways to be more fucking useless than last week. TGSTEL must be looking back fondly post-Wolfsburg thinking that he might be our missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

Thankfully we were only playing Norwich. Though we did give them every opportunity to score they failed to get past Cech. Thank the Lord for a decent goalie. I do hope in the off-season someone shows Bellerin how to actually close down his winger and prevent crosses coming in. Ever since the West Ham game I’ve noticed how he backs off the winger allowing them to put in dangerous crosses.

Thankfully AW brought on DW23. But who would have guessed that OBOne would be the one removed and Giroud stay on? I don’t care that he helped set up the goal for DW23. He’s still fucking useless.

Just to be clear. In case there was any ambiguity with prior statement – Giroud is a useless fucker. What are the odds he’s picked next week to start against Manchester City?

This has to change. By this I mean everything – our players. our “fans” and our manager. I’m not holding my breath though. It looks like we’ll be living this all again next year. Unless we implode (even more than we’ve already done) we’ll make the Champions League and thus have the same manager. Not that I’m entirely upset by that. It’s like dating a rather attractive, cute girl knowing that you don’t have a long term future but holding off breaking up until you’ve identified your next dream girl.

So, I’d like to know who would replace Wenger; what are the options out there. Anyway, it’s entirely theoretical; Wenger will leave when he wants to. And that won’t be this year – unless we implode. And we’d better not. I want the Champions League. I have more belief that our players might change. Without Flamini and Rosicky and in addition to the (hopeful) departures of Theo, Ox and the fat fucking useless git of a center-forward, it’s inevitable that we’ll have to bring in more than 2 “world-class” players. As for the fans – they are our idiots and they’ll be with us for a while yet.

2016 has not been a great year for us. We lost Bowie. We lost Prince. We lost Alan Rickman. We lost George Martin. We lost Giroud. And we lost the Premier League.