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April 8th – Arsenal 3 Southampton 2

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It’s been a while. I’ve been in a month long recovery program. I needed to cure my addition to supporting a previously exciting, entertaining and competitive football team. Thankfully the stupid international break intervened to help me ween myself off the perpetual disappointment and frustration of watching Arsenal. I can’t remember when I last could be arsed to write a review given that the observations were entirely predictable from game to game and nothing is really changing. Or is it?

So why now? Maybe there’s a glimmer of hope. Maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming express train. Sure we won. As we did against Stoke and CSKA. But I think there are some themes that continue to shine through the dark clouds of Arsenal.

Mark me down as a skeptic for Aubameyang. I’ve not really gotten my head round this signing. All he’s DM goals were poachers goal. And we know how unsuccessful fox-in-the-boxes has been at Arsenal – just google Francis Jeffers. But, even with the moronic haircut, he does score goals.  And though our dearly missed French hulk could have started that first goal scoring move, Giroud would still be rotating to run into the box by the time the ball had already hit the back of the net. So, maybe, just maybe I’ll be convinced that the BigA can help us.

Did I mention that I love MickeyTarren? I liked him before he signed for DarthVader. And I love him now. Though I’m worried that this knee injury could wipe out his season. But, combined with BigA we are far better moving forward. And I’ve always appreciated a good Cigarette. Especially ones that scores. And as Bould noted, he is a surprisingly good football player. One that can now score goals – even if he did not today.

I don’t really know what to do with Welbeck. From week to week he is more BadBeck that GoodBeck. Today we saw the two extremes. He’s first goal was a classic deflection and he’s last was an opportunistic, aggressive game winning goal. But just before that we saw that most classic of Badbeck misses from inches out. Only Danny could miss that. But, he worked hard the entire game and provided cover for our fullbacks. And boy, did we need that help.

This defense is beyond porous. We should set up a tax deductible charity for the amount we give away. If there is one (and trust there is more than one) clear end of season action it’s to get as much money as we can for Mustafi. He’s beyond unreliable. He is a contagious disaster waiting to happen. Sure, he’ll score the odd vital goal. He can be aggressive and determine in challenging for the ball. But he’s a liability. Too many times this year we’ve seen him make just bone-head decisions. Today was truly pathetic. No other premier league center-half would even dream of not taking responsibility for clearing that ball. It’s your job. And nearly every time he would do that. He put himself in the right position and he would normally do the right thing. But that’s the problem with him. He has brain-farts. Consider the Man City game. Consider some of his distribution. And, I fear, his unpredictability is spreading like a virus through the team. Consider the goal against CSKA when he panic hoofed the ball across the penalty box. I don’t understand how a German International can make these bone-head decisions. But nor should we expect him to change. He might be quite young, at 25, but I fear for Arsenal (even more than I already do) if we preserve with him beyond this season. He is contaminating Kosclieny who’s form has noticeably deteriorated. It could be the accumulation of injuries or it could be the disease that is he’s partner. But rather than thinking we need another center half it’s now looking like we might need two.

Also, it’s getting harder to distinguish between Mustafi and Chambers. Except, just maybe, Chambers might be better. His problem, aside from looking like Mustafi, is that he’s too slow. And he’s distribution is dodgy as well. It says something when the best defender is Bellerin – except today he wasn’t. We did not have one. However, mid-week he was.

The team selection made sense today. I was excited to see Nelson in the team but, of course, that was offset by the presence of Ob1. He’s even worse than Mustafi except that he plays less frequently now we have MickeyTarren. And thank god for that. Today was classic Ob1. Basically useless interspersed with the odd moment of football skill that makes one think that maybe, just maybe there is potential in this boy and that we should persist. But, I remember that we’ve been saying the same thing now for two years since he scored on his debut against Everton. He’s stood still – literally. He should not be on this squad let alone on the team. He is the poster boy for why this team is unbalanced and broken. On no other top 6 premier league team would he be in the starting eleven. I don’t even think Burnley would take him. He runs around with those flailing arms making poor decisions and incapable of scoring. For example, he’s “attempt” against CSKA mid-week. He is just not good enough. And never will be. It makes me angry that he gets playing time. At least Welbeck works hard and chases back. Ob1, in the Ozil position today, showed the odd moment – he’s through ball to Welbeck for that second goal. At this level though that’s not sufficient. We can’t wait on these one-off moments and then carry him for the rest of the game. It’s mind blowing to think of the grief that Ozil used to attract for he’s perceived lack of effort and contribution. From the beginning he showed he’s world class talent. It’s inconceivable that Ob1 could be in the same team as Ozil. The gulf in ability is far too wide to be explainable by age alone.

So, onto our last enigma. As skeptical as I’ve been on BigA I’ve been a believer in Jack. Something is going on though with Jack. And it’s not good. Today he was outright awful. He was off the pace from the first moment. Not a single pass worked for him. He lost possession. He walked around the pitch. He gave the ball away. We were noticeably weakened when he came on. That’s when we started to backtrack and give into the pressure from Southampton. What has happened to Jack? It can’t be related to his contract situation because once he’s on the pitch that is surely forgotten. And it’s not just today. He was clearly our weakest link midweek. It was only the utter brilliance of Ozil and Ramsey – with help from MickeyTarren and Cigarette – that enabled us to function. Jack was slow, passive and predictable. He was never the quickest player on our team but now he seems to run backwards. In a foot race between him and Giroud I think both of them might lose. My suspicion is that he’s not entirely fit but is fighting through is. He had additional rest over the international break because of his knee injury but he’s come back even worse. But, currently, he’s a massive risk for us. And destined to leave for another team. It would be such a shame after all these years but it’s not looking like he can find his game. He was lucky not to get a red card along with Stephens. He lost the ball on the edge of their penalty area with another pass that was mistimed – he was just off the pace of the game from his first touch. Then as he backtracked he fouled Stephens multiple times and ripping his shirt. All he had to do was push him over if he was being out-paced by a six foot center half. Instead he basically got Elneny sent off as Mariner decided he needed to even up the red card count. Elneny barely touch the Southampton player. And know we’ll miss him for three irrelevant league games. But that also means that the chances of Jack and Ob1 both playing have increased. That kills me. Now I have two players (at least) that I pray are not on our starting team sheet. Which is also why we need MickyTarrien. Here’s a player who Bellerin can actually link up with. Obviously, he could never do that with Walcott nor Ob1. Bellerin’s improvement has correlated directly with the existence of the Armenian.

We got three useless points today. We saw a goal scorer ply his trade and another hard-working Englishman scrap two goals. It’s lucky we had Stoke and Southampton though. Because our defense is shameful. Even against CSKA. If they had someone other than a failed Leicester center-forward, we could have been sunk. And I for one do not believe this game is over. We saw against Osterland from Norway how porous we can be. After the travel out there and with Koz and Mustafi in defense I could still see us throwing this one away. Beyond that it’s hard to see how we could win this. Any half decent team (Athletico, Lazio etc.) will cut us apart.

It’s lucky we can score goals. It’s lucky that we have the best creative midfield player in England. And we lucky that Ramsey is not (yet) injured. We can score goals. And very pretty ones. Borderline poetry. This should be sufficient enjoyment to make watching Arsenal a pleasure. But as a long-term addict, being consistently disappointed drains the fervor and passion. The expectation of unnecessary, careless failure is too painful to experience week after week. Sure we’re now in a winning streak but all the themes are still there. We need to real defensive mid-field player. Xhaka has improved but that is not his natural position.

We are now an amplified version of Arsene’s teams – sublime in attack and suicidal in defense. We were unnecessarily close to throwing away the points today. We have been the beneficiaries of penalties in recent weeks. Like London busses, you wait for ever and then two come along at the same time. But Stoke were much poorer than Southampton. They had chances today to win. Austin should have scored at the end. But by then we’d fallen back in the tepid, tame Arsenal that we were in the first half against Stoke. It’s a form of schizophrenia. We had this all season. In the league, I can’t remember when we performed for both half’s of a game.

The enjoyment in supporting this team has been on the wane for a few years now. The continual disappointment combined with the clearly sub-par player selection. This addiction has provided so much happiness that maybe it’s payback time. This is what it could be like supporting Everton, West Ham or Sp*rs. We deserve better than that. And we have some genuine world-class players who also deserve better. Come the end of this painful season the Club will have to finally make the move to protect our future. Ultimately this lands at the feet of AW. He is the one supporting Ob1, Mustafi and Jack. Its’ by no means certain that another manager will improve our cub – look at the disaster than is Man United. But it’s no longer acceptable to ignore the future. We have to finally step into it. But before then we have a journey backward in time – back into the time of the Czar and peasants. Let’s hope the don’t decide to deploy the nerve gas. It’s entirely possible our season could end in Russia just as quickly as England’s surely will.





March 11th – Arsenal 3 Watford 0

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Clean sheet and Cech saves a penalty. I must buy a lotto ticket today. This is he’s third season with us. 98 games and he finally saves a penalty. And at a crucial time in the game. And he finally gets he’s 200th clean sheet. Pretty impressive. And a number of key saves in the first half. Sure he’s had dodgy games – who hasn’t in this fucked-up team – but he’s still the best GK we have. And I think he’ll remain our for a couple more years yet.

So we finally put a run together. Two wins in a row. Wow. Hard to remember when we last managed that. So let’s enjoy it while not forgetting the underlying issues still to be addressed. Today was a day to enjoy and appreciate some of the smooth, elegant play of Arsenal FC.

Ozil purred, MikeyTarrian was dangerous, MaintlandNiles was dynamic at right back and Elneny moved the ball quickly. I liked Holding today – he plays well against classic English center forwards. When it gets physical and tough he’s always up for a good fight. And today he out fought their Division 2 center forward. Playing two defensive midfield players liberated Ozil and our full backs which meant we caught them on the counter attack. The first one from which OBangThemIn missed a golden chance. It’s taking him time to adjust. I remain unconvinced by this guy but I’ll give him till the end of the season. There is an adjustment period but I do worry about the chances he misses and the lack of link up play he contributes – though he was better today again. He did take his goal well even if that utter wanker Ob1 tried to get in his way. Let’s leave that tit until later on.

Mustafi, just as he did against Sp*rs, gave us the lead care of another Ozil assist. Dreadful, Arsenal-like defending by Watford. But we dominated the first half. When I’d seen the team sheet with Ob1 and Elneny, no Wilshire, Ramsey, Kosclieny or Bellerin I was worried. However, MN linked up well with MickeyT and our interchanges had speed and simplicity such that we moved the ball around quickly and played balls in behind for OBangThemIn. Defensively Holding was tough and the midfield defensive cover worked well. I could have sworn I’d seen Xhaka running back with pace to try and help out the defense.

We were careless with the ball sometimes. MN is a little lax at times. As was MikeyT. But in the first half we looked like a team that we used to support. The second half was a different story. It felt like we handed the initiative to them. They were more aggresive and we had long periods of defending even if they had few chances. There were those annoying spells where we could not keep hold of the ball – giving it away too cheaply. If they were a better team we would have likely conceded but instead Mikey set up OBangThemIn for a neat goal. And, in classic Arsenal style within a minute or two we concede a penalty. Remarkably Cech saved that and changed the course of the game.

We also had a penalty claim waived away – in fact, Atkinson and the linesman were so far behind play they were in no position to see MikeyT hacked down in the box. But as soon as we got that third it was game over. Time to relax and save a few players for Thursdays game.

As enjoyable as today was though I remain utterly baffled and confused by Ob1. He is a walking fucking disaster. I pray for the day when he’s sold or has he’s legs removed. Or even his arms. There are random moments where he can make a great pass but for 99% of his time on the field he’s a liability. He must have the lowest football IQ I’ve seen in a long time. Sure he’s young but he’s been in this team for nearly two years and has yet to demonstrate he’s capable of developing and evolving. Today he was so infuriating. He’s final pass is awful and he’s shooting is pathetic. He looks like he just does not know what to do with the ball once he’s near goal. He is so bad than I was relieved to see him replaced by Badbeck. And as soon as he came on he contributed one touch passes – something Ob1 can’t conceive of – and improved the speed of our play. It should be noted that when we dominated in the first half it was primarily from the right side – away from Ob1. And the degree to which good things happened on the left it was because of Ozil and Kolasinac.

Consider the progress of MN and Ob1. One can play in three different positions. Once can’t play in even one. One is technical and composed on the ball. One isn’t. One has progressed in every game he’s played in while one regresses. I’m racking my brain to think of a player that upsets me as much as Ob1. I despair when I see him in the starting 11. Vermalen, at the end of his time with us, Cygan most of the time, Gervinho, Silverstre and even Santos from the last 5+ years frustrated me but none like this boy. I hate his “game”. He destroys our rhythm; he can’t score and he’s clearly not of the quality required to work alongside Ozil. I’m desperately hoping that because he started this game he won’t be playing against Milan. Hopefully Jack and/or Ramsey will be back for that one. Mind you, Jack looked shit today. He was slow in possession and got caught a few times. Hopefully it was an aberration. On Thursday in the San Siro, he looked active and helped the team move through the gears quickly.

We now have to dispense with Milan. Given our overall lack of self-belief it will only take one goal from the them to shake us into a bag of nerves. We saw what the mighty Swedes did to us in the last round. So this tie is not even close to being over. The only good news is that we are clearly (a la Man U from last year) prioritizing this competition. Resting important players for this upcoming game was sensible. Playing against the Mighty Milan means we won’t have the same sense that it’s a dead rubber. Hopefully all this will help us. But these sneaky Italians know how to play these European away fixtures.

I’m convinced (or I’ve convinced myself anyway) that AW will leave at the end of season. It would be fitting for him to depart on the high of finally lifting a European trophy. But there are many (better) teams to face – if we’re able to get past Milan. But he has more than earned the right to leave with his head held high with our undying appreciation of the way he’s molded and shaped some of (of not the) best football we’ve ever witnessed. So these remaining 8 EPL games and the NoHopaCup should be his swansong. Let’s hope he gets that. After Thursday, our remaining run of games is manageable with Stoke up after the stupid international break.

Pretty soon we’ll have to turn our attention to the identify of our next manager. My money is on either Jardim from Monaco or Low from Germany. The issue with the latter is that he won’t be available until after the Corrupt Cup in Russia. By the time he escapes Putins slimey grip it will be only weeks before the start of our season. Whereas at least with Jardim he can come on board the day to season completes. And that would leave AW to either slide over to the money pit in Paris – PSG or, less likely, take over Real Madrid. Given Wengers close ties to BeIn Sports (owned by the Qatars’) I’d expect him to return to his homeland and earn even more money. And after a few years of that to finally take over the French national team. That would be an excellent way for us all to move forward


February 26th – Abject Arsenal

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Or is that Arsenal Abject. Or Arsenal Anonymous. We are the AA.

If that’s the end of the world then what was yesterday? The purgatory of watching Arsenal surely qualifies for some discount come the worlds end. But I fear we have not endured enough. Not to balance out those first 10 years.

How shit were we? Shitty then when we played Sp*rs. And this was a final. We were abject. It’s one thing to no longer compete for the league – or any real cups – but we can’t even play the game anymore. Once upon a time everyone criticized Arsenal and AW for not having a plan B. The complaint was that we played the best football in England but could not win leagues nor cups. Well we listened and showed them. Now not only do we not win leagues and real cups, we can’t now even play beautiful football. Others can but not us. Not today and not in any meaningful game. We line up as 3-4-2-1 which quickly reverts to 5-4-1. We defend – or try to – and park the bus. It’s awful to watch. And it’s not even a successful strategy. We now not only can’t defend we can’t attack either.

It’s hard to know where to begin. There was not a single issue or problem that we saw today that we’ve not seen multiple times this year or last. We can and won’t learn lessons. Imagine, Mustafi making a schoolboy error? Surely no? We’ve not seen that before. Whether it’s him or Xhaka or Iwobi, it’s the same players making the same mistakes. It’s also so painful to watch. If you think you’ve seen this movie before – you have.

I’ve mentioned this to others, but I don’t see the big deal with Aubamenyang. He does nothing during the game. And the one pivotal chance he got he fluffed. I’m not sure where he or Cigarette fit into this team. But then I’m it sure when anyone does. Ozil barely saw the ball. Both he and Jack were marginalized on the wings. And could neither could pass to each other. And we have no cover for our defense. There is no defensive midfield. But, this is not news. The entire world minus one person seems to know this.

We were completely overrun Sunday. This is not Arsenal. It’s hard to even get upset. This was so predictable. There is no vision or strategy on this team. There is no philosophy. When have we ever been able to say that? It was dreadful to watch. Losing a game is something that can be accepted but not even turning up to play in a final is not. This team is lost. It not only does not have leadership. It has no sense of who it is. It does not have a balanced team. It is a team that does it know who it is supposed to be. We were sent out today to play like Bolton it ended up playing like Barnet. No disrespect meant to either of those two teams.

Losing with some passion and effort is one thing but we saw neither. How can that be? What goes on in a squad when a team puts in such a lost performance. These individual players are better than the sum of the parts (well a few are anyway). This is a team with some strong individuals but within this team they perennially underperform. This team is toast. Luckily, I can still, before dementia finally sets in, wallow in the past glories of the early AW years.

Truthfully though, I’m so resigned to the outcome that it’s tough to even get upset. I’ve emotionally disengaged as I’m sure others have. It’s self-preservation really. And I think most Arsenal fans are now in this mode. After being beaten down (literally) over the last few years it’s the only sane approach. I can remember, 5 years ago, going ballistic when we dropped points at Bolton. I still have nightmares from our prior lose to Birmingham in the final. But Sunday? Nope, not even shouting at the TV. No screaming, No anger. Just despondency and a recognition that we are simply not a viable team.

How poor are we? We are so poor that we’re looking to out Sp*rs Sp*rs. We are now entering that phase where we want to bring back talisman, iconic players as manager irrespective of how unqualified they are. We are clutching at the straws they used whereby they tried to clasp onto their past “glories”. Naturally TH14 will always remain immortal but he should not even be in the conversation for a new manager. We need a manager fitting our stature and ambition (hey, I’m available for a nominal fee).

But here’s the other thing that’s abundantly clear. Don’t blame Wenger. It’s not his fault he’s the manager of Arsenal. What do people expect him to do? Resign? That’s not his job. People now despise him. They channel all their anger on him. But why? What do they expect? Why blame him? Show me one manager that has voluntarily resigned his position based on shitty performances. Over the history of English football, it’s never happened. And why should it. That’s not the managers responsibility.

Wenger absorbs and takes all the vitriol. But the people accountable for this fiasco get off scot free (not that I’ve ever known a scot do anything for free). The vitriol should be focused on the Arsenal Board and our CEO. They are responsible for hiring and firing the manager. That’s where decision should be being made. Instead, they hide behind the shadow cast by Wenger. They let him be the magnet for all the pressure. They evade their responsibilities and fail the club.

People say Arsenal can’t progress until Wenger leaves. The more accurate and fair statement is that Arsenal can’t progress until the CEO and the Board setup to their responsibilities and fire Wenger. That is their job to do. You can’t expect someone who has invested the majority of their working life to a club to walk away. No, instead, the right thing to do is to fire him and then extol his unique contributions to our once great club.

And if the final on Sunday did not demonstrate what needs to happen then we’re more fucked than I thought. Don’t worry about the NoHopa Cup. Milan? We can’t even beat Stoke. As soon we fail in this final cup competition they have to put the man out of his and our misery. But do they have the balls? I fear not. I was happy to give him another year – he had at least earned that right. But now we need to intervene and help this club. Whether the management have the football acumen to assess this and find our next manager is unknown. But you’d have to me an imbecile not to know what’s needed now. And,  unluckily for us, we have a bunch of imbeciles running the club.



February 9th – Sp*rs 1 Arsenal 0

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Shit. Well that sucks. Not just the losing but the way we lost. This should have been an undeserved draw instead of three points lost. How often, in the distant past, when we had a winning team, would we give up a late goal to drop two points against a clearly inferior team.

We are now that inferior team. We know we’re not a top 4 team. But you have to take those chances. They did not take theirs and we could not take ours. Of course, if they had taken theirs, we’d have lost 4 – 0. We barely had any shots on goal – none on the first half. And then just Jacks shot before Cigarette extinguished our chances of a point.

I do wonder though about why, when he came on we moved our largest signing ever out of his natural position onto the wing. That was the position you wanted Aubameyang in. What has happened to this guy. He started the season with such style – he looked like the real deal. Now it looks like we should have sold him and kept Giroud. His confidence is shot. He looks lost. I fear he won’t be with us for much longer and he won’t get too many game time minutes. If you need an attacking substitute then Giroud is your man. But that ship has sailed.

We lost today because our team is a sixth place team. There were too many breadowns across the pitch. It’s just surprising we only lost by one goal. They were much better than us. Coming out of defense – including Cech – we gave the ball away too easily. From Bellend to Mustafa to Xhaka we were loose in possession. Too often we’d give the ball to them in our defensive area.

Our game-plan was to play like Bolton and catch them on the break. Jack and Ozil had chances to hit them on the counterattack in the first half but either the final pass was missing or the linesman made a ball call. And Henrik was off his game today. It’s a shame but, under pressure, he made a number of poor decisions and passes.

Elneny was, as ever, solid and provided some defensive cover for us. But we were exposed, for their goal by Xhaka not closing down the crosser of the ball and Koscielny failing to jump with Kane. Thereafter Cech saved our skin a few times. There was no consistency or fluency to our game. They pressured us much more than we pressured them. In the first half we ceded 2/3rds of the field and bunkered down in the final third. It somewhat worked even if it’s not how we expect Arsenal to play.

The second half start though was awful. Right from the whistle we looked unfocused and lackadaisical. All the concentration of the first half was noticeable absent at the start of the second. We backed off even further and gave them even more room. And we were sloppy with the ball. There seemed none of the drive we had in the first half. It was inevitable they would score. It’s just amazing we were still in the game right at the end when we missed our two chances.

Before that though we had a single shot. What does that say about this team? What is our philosophy and shape. What is our formation? Where is the balance? At home it’s reasonably apparent. But away from home it looks wrong.

There are too many players that aren’t of the right level. And for once we have to include Koscielny in that list. Today he was poor. And we can’t afford that. Not when we have Xhaka and Bellerin on the pitch. Our distribution down the right hand side is nonexistent. Between and Mustafa and Bellerin we create too many counterattacking opportunities for the opposition.

It was a pleasure to see Jack on the pitch. He was strong in the first half. He threaded through a number of amazing passes. I’d like to see him stay in the starting eleven even when Ramsey is back. And naturally, I’d like us to remove Xhaka.

Overall though, we are a sixth place team that looked overwhelmed and undermatched. Nothing of meaning will happen between now and the end of the year. We will excel in the odd game at home against poor opposition and fail miserably against any top 5 team in addition to losing more away games.

When will this stop? Not for another year would be my guess. This club has run out of ideas. We are now into the middle of the end. This team is no longer Wengers. He’s no longer making all the transfer decisions – there’s no way he would have bought Aubameyang let alone Cigarette. At least we have Ozil for 2+ more years. But the transition has started. And the sooner we can speed it up the better. The focus now turns to the two shittiest cups – League and NoHopa. The latter gives us our only way into the Champions League. Except that we aren’t deserving of being in that competition. We would sink without trace with this team.  We have to clean-house with the team and manager.

I’m really not that angry. It was clear, before the game, who the better team were. We played pretty well in terms of organization in the first half and were then exposed in the second. But we weren’t embarrassed. What a sad statement that is. The bar is so low now that we look not to be embarrassed. That’s where Arsenal FC is now. Outside the top 4 and looking to win the NoHopa cup.


Jan 14th – Bournemouth 2 Arsenal 1

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If this is what the future looks like then count me out. Put me down. Anesthetize me. This no longer the beginning of the end. It’s more than the end of the beginning. It’s the end. I think this is it for our glorious leader. And it should be for the general leadership at the club – except they are insulated because of AW who will absorb all the abuse and frustration.

How do you loose to Bournemouth when you’re 1-0 up and dominating the game? Easy, you play an under aged, inexperienced defensive line and give away two goals. Simple, you leave out your top scored – Alexis – and you replace him with the world-class skills of a Man United reject – Danny Welbeck.

But it’s so much more than any individual player. It’s now – as it has been for a number of years now – a belief and structural issue. Who can be surprised after our previous away defeats that we let this happen? Let’s face it we are an average team now. We are not top 4. And it’s not clear we’re even top 6. We are average. Accept it. Because Arsenal FC have.

How else do you explain the Alexis and Ozil situation? You leave out Alexis and have no replacement. He’s not even on the bench yet he got time mid-week. How is he on our wage bill still. We all knew this was coming. Just sell the fucking guy and get the replacement in. We now have the worst of both worlds. We have not sold him, have no replacement and yet don’t get to play him. How utterly incompetent is that? Why is this so difficult. Look at Liverpool. They sold Coutinho and bought in a player all within a week. But we dither and futz around. Why? It’s because this club lack leadership and management. We lack the ability to make decisions. Until that is resolved our only progress will be to further decay. Our future is to become a mid-table average team – though maybe we’ve already achieved it.

The irony is that today Ob1 had he’s best game of the season. I can’t blame him. Even Bellend was half way decent. We lost the game because of our defense. For once Cech lets us down. And then our mental fragility caused us to inevitably give up the second goal. Not because they were so good or deserved it. But because we can’t defend. Who thought we’d hold that 1-0 lead? No-one.

We had so many chances though to put the game away. We were so dominant and so much better than them. And we played better football. But between the ears we are weak. Who thought we’d recover once we went behind? How many saves did their GK have to make? How much pressure were they actually under?

But the point is this club is ever so gradual gently sliding into irrelevancy. Before you know it we will be Everton.

Today Jack was excellent. The creative force behind everything good we did. Xhaka was pretty solid. The pair of them played pretty well. Ob1 set up the goal and Maitland-Niles was pretty good. Mustafi was solid. Apart from DW23 everyone was ok or very good. Yet we lost. How can that be. And against, essentially, bottom of the table fare. How many people look back in the 3-3 draw from last year with envy now. One point would not look so bad.

But let’s not kid ourselves. The cancer in this club runs deep. Again, the farcical and incompetent manner in which we handled Alexis speaks volume from the malaise at the club. Really, why is he still with us? Why have we not brought in a forward who can provide us with something more than DW23?  I honestly don’t understand. What are they waiting for? How have we all not been able to see this play out since the summer? Did they not learn anything from the Van Persie fiasco? How is this club actually moving forward.

The result today, whist irritating, frustrating and embarrassing does not teach us anything we did not know. Substitute in Watford or Stoke if in doubt. We are a sixth place team. We are not worthy of the top four. Again, we knew that. So the question is, what are we waiting for? Sell Alexis and get the money. Keeping him and not playing him is insane. It’s appalling business. And it makes us look like morons. Though maybe that’s what we are. Welcome to Moron FC. The club run by morons, played by morons for morons. That’s you and me. Because, for the next six months nothing will change. “Management” have to decide when they want to start on the re-build. They have to decide when they will call time on AW. It won’t be till the summer. But will they have the balls to do it. Because until they do this team cannot be successful. Where here I consider bring in the top 4 as success. I did not mind missing out on the Champions League this year. But that was on the assumption we would re-tool, have a long-term plan and move forward. But when you have this broken Alexis situation and the clear departure of Ozil – our one true world-class player – how can you even consider the notion that this team is evolving or moving forward. Devolving and decaying, yes I can see that.

This is a pivotal time for AFC. It feels like we are going through the post-Wenger period while he is still our manager. I was always worried we’d suffer as did ManUre when Fergie departed. But when he left he left them with the Premiership. Wenger will leave us with nothing. He is in the final throws of destroying his legacy.

So, will we see a post ManU 8-2 loss hyper activity in the transfer market? Will the club display and vision or strategy? In some ways I hope not yet. In some ways I’d be OK with us struggling to get through to the end of the season and then start to see a complete make-over. But only on the basis that there is a clear plan with clear leadership – new leadership.

Between now and then we’ll have the odd good game but that will inevitably be followed by fiasco’s such as this. When you compare the relative qualities of the two teams today then you’d conclude only one team can win. When you watch the first 70 minutes of this game you’d conclude that only one team deserved to win. But, yet, reality is such that this team can’t consistently perform, it has no backbone and the sum of the parts is the less than the whole. That, friends, is not what you want from your team. And it’s not what we need from this club.

So, dark days ahead. Strap yourself in. it’s going to get darker before the light returns. Assuming that it will. How we handle the next 18 months can determine whether we return to our expected levels or whether we complete the switch with our North London rivals. It already feels like we’ve completed a complete club switch. We’ve had 20 years of clear domination based on a strategy, quality players, world-class manager and attracting the best players. But now if feels like they are the new Arsenal and we have become the old Sp*rs. Shoot me now

– LB7


January 7th – Nottingham Forest 4 Arsenal 2

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A Happy new year to the legions of readers of this innovative, agile and technology savvy website. This year the site was honored to be nominated for some many global awards. But the one that was most appreciated was for Best Looking and Most Humane Human Being on Planet Earth. Humbled though I was it was hard to argue with.

The resulting celebrations go some way to explaining the lack of review in the last few weeks;  that combined with abject referring. It’s hard to know where to start. But a short recap is most probably in order.

The Liverpool game was classic Arsenal at it’s best and worst. A microcosm of our team. Crystal Palace was a surprising ray of light whereas the West Brom game was classic Mike Dean at his best.

I’ve never been too bothered about the F.A.Cup – though it’s nice to win it. With all the up coming games in the League Cup and the NoHoppa cup missing out on round 4 is not the end of the world. BTW, you’ll know when we’ve reached the end of the world because just before the Stop sign there’ll be, on the side of the road, two players sitting there lacing up their boots – Ob1 and Theo. Today we saw how utterly awful and useless Ob1 so often is. Considering the opposition it was pretty telling how irrelevant he was. I mean, playing attacking midfield against a below average Championship team, should be the opportunity to assert your ability. Today, we again saw, that aside from the repetitive backwards and sideways passes that there is very limited talent there.

Losing is not so worrying or depressing. What is though, is the persistence of these players in the Arsenal squad. If you offered Ob1 to any other Premier League team (not just in the top 6) who would take him? I know he’s young but I don’t see progression over the last 2 years. Today he was irrelevant. It’s depressing to have to watch the same thing happen game after game. Unfortunately, this lies at the feet of AW. For some reason he believes in Ob1. I can’t believe anyone else in the club does.

Ob1 redefines turgid. He redefines inept. He redefines crap. He redefines wanker. And worse off, I see no hope for us to off-load him. I see no future for Arsenal that does not involve Ob1. How can that be? Especially, (as we try to turn to the positive) when we have Maitland-Niles and Neilson. And Eddie. And Willock. All of whom have an understanding of the game that dwarfs the midget football brain that is Ob1. I despair of running out of insulting adjectives to refer to him by. He’s so poor he makes me wonder whether Bellend is a class player. He’s such a useless fucker that I wonder whether I’d select Theo ahead of him – answer – hell yes.

Today was somewhat of a fluke – two great goals from their Yank defender – he won’t score again this year. But, generally speaking, NF deserved it more than us. We lacked drive and we lacked finishing. Even though DW23 scored he’s just not a forward that can regularly threaten any defense. If you doubt that, please see he’s trademark header off his shoulder in the first half.

The irony is that the youth in the team provided the shining light whereas the experienced players were the liability. I’ll exclude the BFG from the latter because (1) he scored and (2) I don’t like to upset BFG’s at the best of times. MN and Nelson were very impressive. Willock was slightly below this high standard. I also liked Holdings performance and still prefer him to Chambers. But aside from the wanker that is known as Ob1, Elneny was ineffectual, Debuchy was poor, Theo clueless and DW23 poor.

Loosing is not so annoying. What is, is that this squad carries so many below average senior players that are incapable of stepping up to dominate below average Championship competition. It’s not up to the youngsters to lead the way. Today we needed to see leadership from Elneny, Theo, DW23 and even Ob1. This was the chance (again) for these fringe players to assert them selves. And assert themselves they did. They asserted that they would not get into the Nottingham Forest team.

Sometimes I realize that it’s not fun anymore writing these reviews. In the same way it’s not fun watching this team. The predictability of the sub-standard players, the predictability of inter-play and the predictability of the outcome make it so hard to get angry, agitated or annoyed. Change is a coming. Slower than we’d want. But in a year or two most of these dead-weights will be gone to other pastures. We’ll be rid of their wages and their tattoos.

In the meantime, we have to suffer through wasted opportunities like today. How can we lose to NF? Well, aside from the above, we barely tested their goalkeeper. We did not craft chances, we did not pepper their goal and did not stretch their backline. There is this one-dimensional aspect to our play. When those roles are filled by Ozil and Alexis et al, it can be so sweet to watch. But with these second tier players it just won’t come off. Today we missed Giroud and Jack. Our midfield had no penetration nor dive. It was all sideways. And, it was tedious and boring to watch. This is not the Arsenal we’d seen in previous years. This was slow motion, patched-up and sub-standard Arsenal. Is this what we should expect now? I fear so. Even the “first” team carries too much dead weight. And when we (rightfully) sell Alexis in a few days, we’ll be further shorn of class. As valuable as he is to our team we have to get him off our books. Part of me does not care about the loss of money – after all Stan has more than enough in his pocket change to absorb this loss of £25m or £35m; it’s not my money. It’s more to do with moving forward. If not now then in the summer we’ll lose Alexis. So let’s get it over an done with so we can build for the future.

This year, in my view, never involved getting into the top 4. If we are to return to the Champions League it would be via the NoHoppa Cup. And that is a  low probability event. We are not good enough to be in the top 4. If there was any doubt about that you only had to watch our first 22 matches. You can’t lose at Stoke and Watford, draw at West Brom etc and believe your team is one of the top four in the country. I never did. But I do care about next season and the one after that. I do care about our squad and the balance therein. I do care about Ozil. He’s the one truly world class player we have. We have to build a team around him. We have to keep him at Arsenal. Alexis has shown where his interests lie – not that I blame him – but Ozil has not said anything (via the usual channels that Alexis has used). He is ours to keep. But you have to believe he’s watching these developments. Assuming we let Alexis leave now then we have to bring in a replacement now. I don’t think Mahrez fills that position but I’d be more than happy to see him come to us. Let’s take some of that Ox money combine it with the Alexis money and bring in a couple of players. Let’s sell Debuchy and Theo.

What’s disappointing about this review (aside that is from the usual woeful commentary) is the lack of passion. I don’t care as much. I did not care today because it’s all so predictable. I was upset with Dean because of the dropped 2 points at West Brom. And because Dean is an utter cunt. And I’m upset that rather than hold CuntDean accountable the retards at the FA prefer to take the easy option and go after AW. It’s amazing to think the future of football in England is in the hands of such retarded fools. This is a multi-billion pound business being run by pea-brain, old-boys who have no earthly understanding of the game. The success in England is despite these morons not because of it. Wenger is completely right in his observations about referring. How can Dean still be considered a top-flight ref? Dean is the Ob1 of referring. How is there no accountability? Why are there so few refs that can handle premier league games?

Do you know how much these Premier League refs get paid? About £70K. That’s what the best players in the EPL earn in a couple of days. Yet the best refs are treated like serfs. This is a multi-billion pound business. You get what you pay for. And £70K will get you CuntDean. BTW, how much do NBA/NFL refs earn? Upwards of $175K – and there are 6+ refs for those games.

The truth is it’s not his fault he’s a cunt – it’s the fault that the  PGMO (the Professional Fame Match Officials) organization headed up by that ex-ref Mike Riley chooses to support this level of incompetence. This is the root cause of the problems. You combine the PGMO with the FA and then you’ll understand why the future is so bleak. No change is capable of originating from the basterd child of these organizations. But, because they are sheep, they will follow others. So we are dependent on the other European leagues (or even the US) for new ideas and approaches.

Oh a feel better now after that rant. It’s a sad day though when my passions are only aroused not by Arsenal but by our incompetent refs and related organizations. OK, enough bullshit for one day.




Nov 18th – Arsenal 2 Sp*rs 0

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We beat Mike Dean. Who would have thought that possible?. For once I don’t now care about any other results this weekend. Beating that lot relieves so much grief and tension. And don’t tell me anyone saw that coming. Post Man City I assumed we were in for a drubbing. I’d spent then previous two weeks praying and hoping that their big three would return with injuries. Then once I saw their lineup and ours with Mustafa being restored to play alongside Xhaka and Mike Dean, my highest expectations were that our best result would be 0-0.

How the hell did this scoreline happen? Best I can figure, Sp*rs were shit. They barely created anything. It looked like Ericksen was still smoking a cigar and drinking a dram of rum in a bar in somewhere in Dublin. May he always perform well for Denmark. My strong sense is that today Ericksen missed the dynamism and linkup-play of TGSTEL – Lord Bendtner. Bereft of those talents Ericksen was anonymous. Ali was barely noticeable and Kane ineffectual. We should all be sure to write our Christmas cards to Potachino thanking him for both purchasing and then playing Sissoko the entire game. This guy is so poor I don’t even think he could get into our team. Thankfully they had the poor judgement to leave little boy Winks on the bench. Their selection seemed as poor as ours.

Overall both teams demonstrated they can’t win the league. But the difference is that we got three precious points against a top six team. And, on most days, a better team than us.

After the robbery of the Man City game it was a pleasure to be on the receiving end of some marginal referee decisions. And marginal is an understatement. It’s not clear Alexis was fouled by his namesake for the free-kick. And then Mustafa was offside before his perfect header in off the post. Then, for the second, there’s a case that Cigarette was off-side when he made his run. So, we knew Dean was a wanker which he demonstrated today but, for once, we were the beneficiaries.

As good as Ozil looked today our best players were Koscielny and, drum roll please, Mustafa. Anyone who has read the wise words regularly written here or had the chance to follow me during my extensive radio and TV appearances can attest to the fact that I have always been his biggest supporter. Let it be noted how consistent I have been in support of his many talents. And let no-one say that, on seeing his name on the team-sheet today, I cursed both our manager and the football gods. Today he actually looked like a defender. Of course, that lot played to his strengths. But nonetheless, he won every header, scored our opening goal and made some critical blocks in our area. Even his distribution was not utterly appalling. This was the best game he’s played for us. Even his after-match interview was coherent. That opening header changed the balance of the game. You could see the game shift after that. It was a wonderfully placed header. Very Giroud-like. Without the French good looks.

Our forward line looked mobile and when Ramsey pushed up we looked dangerous. It’s just a shame that we have players that seem to make the same runs as each other. Both Ozil and Ramsey seemed to occupy the same space too often. Cigarette had a few chances today where he should have done better. But at least he started the game. I was not entirely happy when he was replaced. And pissed that our Coq then proceeded to charge up field rather than sit back and defend our backline. Sometimes (i.e. every game) I wonder about the football IQ of some of our players. The worst offenders are Ramsey and Bellend. Ramsey too often would loose the ball just outside our penalty area. Doing the usual Ramsey thing – taking too many touches and trying his Cruyff-move. Poor Johan must be turning in his grave as he watches the slowness and predictability of these moves. There seems a lack of awareness as to which part of the pitch a midfielder should take risks and where they should just get off the ball. But the poster-child for lack of football intelligence has to go to Bellend. The number of times today when he gave the ball away of played passes that immediately put our receiving player under pressure could only mean he been studying under the tutelage of Mustafa. Couple that with his refusal to even consider closing down Davies before he crossed the ball meant that everyone else had to intercept those crosses. And going forward he’s always the player you don’t want to receive the ball in their penalty area. At some point Bellends’ awareness of the game needs to develop but all too often he looks Walcott-like when he receives the ball – clueless.

And then there’s Xhaka. He should have been the one replaced by our Coq. I was sure that he was going to get sent off for a second yellow. Today though he did not give the ball away just outside our own penalty area – I think he delegated that to Ramsey and Bellend.  But he seemed off the pace and uninvolved. Too many times Dembele just drifted pass him. We were lucky that Sp*rs were so miserable today. I’ve always thought they had one of the best starting elevens in the league and today demonstrated when their main anyone of their main two or three are not functioning they lack the players on the bench to change it up. And then their manager left it too late. They should have made changes at half-time. But, fuck it, that’s their problem.

Today our defense won us the game – and that includes Cech. All of them were aggressive and consistent. The Tank remains a little subdued. Alexis scored a opportunistic goal but otherwise continues to make the wrong decisions with his distribution and should have had a hat trick today. But, before he leaves us, he will continue to score and provide the spark we desperately need. As for his partner in crime, Ozil – he took a while to get into the game. But when he started to roam the pitch he became an important factor. As, to be fair, did Ramsey. Ozil worked hard and has the vision and calmness to link the entire team together. Today was one of his better games – not his best – but sufficiently good. It was painful to see him replaced by Ob1. I get that we needed someone who would work hard but Ob1’s first contribution was to give the ball away. And, as ever, in front of goal when he had chances he snapped at them – lacking any self-believe that he’d score. Seems like Ericksen he can do it for his country but not his own team.

Now I can enjoy the rest of the week. But I also realize this might be the highlight of our season – our entire season. So I’m going to wallow in it for a while. I still think we’re a long way from being able to challenge for anything. No team with Xhaka and Ramsey as the midfield can. I want to see Jack in there for Xhaka. And soon, that time will come.

All my assessments were wrong today. I got the score line wrong, the outcome wrong, I was convinced Dean would fuck us. And I was sure Xhaka and Musfafa would find a way to get sent off because of reckless challenges. And I was positive that Mustafa would be a liability. Luckliy I merely demonstrated I know fuck all about this game.

So, today, let’s celebrate beating both Dean and Sp*rs. It’s quite rare these days.


Nov 5th – Man City 3 Arsenal 1

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We were robbed of our potential self inflicted misery today. Rather than a Liverpool away like performance this one was more Chelski like. But this time the referee and the linesman decided to don sky-blue shirts. How else to explain the season over season suffering at their ground. Two years running now they’ve been given offside goals. And the penalty was absolutely soft. As others have pointed out – at Stoke we “lost” a goal because of a poor offside decision and yet today, when Silva was clearly offside this was not given. And that penalty! What is up with the standard of the refs and linesman.

Man City were outstanding. Their movement, control, short-passing and speed of attack are reminiscent of Arsenal from 10 years ago. They had many chances to beat us so they needed no help from the ref or linesman. They will win the league this year. And they will deserve it (given the amount of money they have spent over the last few years).

I had to check my eyesight when I saw our team. I bet there were few people who expected to see both Ob1 and our Cock in the starting eleven. I assume the BFG was too busy stomping all over Poland to play in this game. Though with hindsight he would have been ripped apart given their speed of their attack. Coq was not too bad. He was clearly unfamiliar with the positioning and got himself all tangled up when Cech would pass him the ball. He tended to drift too far up field and attack the ball too much but he was not the cause of our downfall. Ob1 was more surprising. Leaving our Cigarette for big games is becoming a bad Wenger habit. And in retrospect it looks a particularly poor decision.

The mix and balance in our team – actually, any team, is so important. When Ob1 plays on the left wing he looks lost and quite shit. But when he wanders infield and links up and turns quickly he is quite creative – see he’s movement for our goal. I get that Wenger wanted to play a tight, compact game and Ob1 can work hard on the wing. But you can’t leave out your main goal-scorer.

So aside from the ref giving them the game we also saw some other predictable flaws in the game. And both revolve around our two star players. Alexis today was shit. More a Skoda than a Lexus. Nearly every decision he made was the wrong one. He dwelled on the ball too long in all the wrong places. If I was Man City I would not see how he’d fit into their team. None of their players are as ball hogging as Alexis. Though maybe he is an upgrade on Sterling.

At this stage though I would start to consider leaving Alexis on the bench. If he’s going to sign for another club I don’t see how we can keep him in January. Get him off our team. It’s not like we’re going to win the league this year. Get the money and put it in the bank for the summer signings. This team will never showcase Alexis. It won’t even get into the top 4. But we knew that at the start of the season. So let’s at least plan and build for the future.

This also applies to Ozil. Whereas at Everton he was stellar today he was absent. Again, we did not lose because of him. But, again, if he’s not going to sign a contract let’s sell him and get the money. As brilliant as he is (on his day) we can’t afford to keep players that don’t believe in us and won’t commit to us. There was very link up play between these two today – that’s unusual. But that was also dictated by the pressure that ManCity put us under. They really are an impressive side. But we had our chances. Ramsey in the first half and then in the short period before the ref decided to give them a penalty and then right after our goal. When we reverted to a 4-4-2 we looked more dangerous.

But, today, we saw the main flaw in our team. It’s not Alexis nor Ozil. It’s Xhaka. I am tired of watching him drift around the game picking up the wrong defensive positions and not providing the defensive cover for the defense. If you watch that first goal which started with Ob1 giving away the ball just outside our area. Once the initial shot is saved by Cech you can see Xhaka start to amble out of the penalty box. He’s so passive though that by the time that Debryune starts the one two, instead of having closing of the space he’s standing around doing nothing. Reminiscent of Watford’s’ winner. It’s not that he’s a bad player. He’s be fine on West Ham or Everton. But not for Arsenal. And, then later in the game we saw Jack come in and play that position. There is no comparison. I know it’s too early for Jack – he needs to build his fitness and he, obviously, will pick up an injury soon. But he’s way better in that position than Xhaka. It’s so infuriating seeing Xhaka make the same positional mistakes over the length of a season. There is real ability there I know but he’s too weak on the defensive side. And therefore he is a liability.

Cech was good today; he’s save in the second half was brilliant. He and Koscelny kept us in the game in the first half. But we got ripped apart too easily on the counter attack – which is why we needed the speed of the Cock in defense. And we started the game well. We attacked them, controlled some of the possession and looked reasonably well matched. Until first Ob1 and then Xhaka made their mistakes. At this level you can’t afford to make mistakes like this let along repeat those mistakes game after game.

Common wisdom states that these type of poor refereeing decisions even out over a full season. I used to subscribe to this view. But now I’m not so sure. These games – against the top six – hang on such fine margins. And today the balance was entirely tilted against us. It’s not like we went their expecting to win. It’s not like we think we’re the better team. And it’s not like they need any help. But I don’t see how post Stoke and not after this it will even up.

The best we can do now is build for the future. There were some good performances today by individual players. There were periods where we dominated. This was nothing like the capitulation at Anfield. This was more like the Chelski game but with a shittyer ref. We need to give incrementally more time to Jack. We need to get Cigarette to start every game. And we need to bench Xhaka. Ramsey worked hard but did not do too much. Bellerin and Kolasinac were pretty reasonable. Monreal was skinned too much but was left exposed by the lack of cover in midfield.

For our next game we had better get our team selection right. We have two weeks now to dwell on this game and figure out the right line up. Today AW got it wrong but will get sympathy because of the shit ref. but that won’t be the case for our next game. If he makes the same decisions and we lose then all hell will break loose. And rightly so. It’s not like our expectations are so high these days. We see both of our neighbors making progress. One of them scarily so. We seemed to have wasted all the revenue and momentum of our new stadium to have fallen back to being an outsider in the run for the title – more Southampton than Manchester United. That is so sad. But with no signs that anything will change any time soon we should at least get the right players on the pitch. And that means playing those that are able to perform in their assigned positions and those that want to play for us. If a player fails either of these two (low) requirements then they should sit on the bench and we should give the opportunity to others.


July 30th – Pre- Season Ramblings Part I

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It’s been most wonderful to take off the last month or so from the onerous duties of generating reports on this world renowned, widely read website. I know how much the masses have been desperate to read the latest postings so I could deny the pleasure no more. After a month of working out in the gym, running marathons, competing in strong man competitions and watching TV (spot the true statement) it’s time to both look backwards and, at the same time, forwards. Not possible and assured of causing a broken neck but I’m game for it.

Looking backwards (but being careful not to fall over) the glow of the F A Cup mastery is flickering with its last embers. Without any Euros or WC to interfere, oh my how, long has that glow persisted., That’s the way to end a season.

We all expected Alexis and Oil to have been signed by now. Either by us or by another team. And neither has happened. At this point, given the attitude change at AFC, I’m less resistant to Alexis leaving for a foreign club. I don’t exactly love his attitude. He’s wages demands are clearly designed to force an exit. But the wonderful thing about contracts is that he’s got no choice. He’s not that RVP like imbecilic who might not give 100% every time. Once Alexis realizes he’s stuck with us he’ll be as passionate and committed as he was last season. And by the end of his contract Man City will have moved on and Alexis will be nearly 30. The pimps at Man City would have moved on to someone else by then. It’s funny how Alexis would want to go to the team managed by the guy that pushed him out at Barcelona. Now that James has signed with Basterd Munich I don’t think Alexis has too many options. Unless he wants to ask for a transfer. Again, if he does then we should flog him to the French or Italians. But not the Middle Eastern lot.

Since AW signed up for 2 more years there have been changes. And most tantalizing is that he’s not so focused on the future but more on the here and now. Gone is the planning for the long-term. I think he’s finally got to the point where he knows that he’s got a year or two to deliver. No investing in the future. No more projects. Now it’s about paying up and getting the finished article. No more waiting for Jack when you can buy someone with a proven track record.

This is a seismic change. Of course, this has to be measured against the certitude and utter conviction of the AAW crowd who stated – because they know these things as fact – that he was incapable of change. But then he was also incapable of changing tactics. He was also incapable of building a defensive backline or defensive player. And, of course, he could not win any trophies. How wise these people are.

So we have signed the classic French forward Cigarette. Will he turn out to be a Henry or Wiltod. My suspicion is the latter. And we still in the hunt for the remaining ashes of the Monaco team. Must be fun to support that team – The tax haven equivalent of being a Southampton fan.

But maybe more importantly, there have been backroom changes. Again, because we all actually know what goes on in the inner sanctum at Arsenal. We have our Invincible goalie back. And the BFG is going to run the Academy next year.  What does this all mean. For starters we’ve changed MAGA from Make Arsenal Great Again to Make Arsenal German again. I also hear we’re soon to rename the stadium to the Arsenal Bunker. I suspect this is the German reaction to Brexit – a reverse takeover of Arsenal. We will be more efficient. We will steamroller through Europe. We will be happy. Be happy boy!  Otherwise incur the wrath of Jens.

And finally, I never normally comment on pre-season games. When I was a younger, hairier, teetheier, thinner and even more perfect me, I never even knew there was a pre-season. No one knew who we played pre-season and we certainly did not know the scores. Even today I’m not sure there were actual pre-season games. There was the community shield and then the season. So, suffice it to say I don’t give a flying fuck about pre-season. Aside that is for us signing the worlds best players (and our own).

However, it’s taken so long to write this pre-season piece that it’s run into yesterdays game versus Benfica. How irrelevant are these games? So irrelevant that Theo, with his lovely haircut, looks played a rock-star and Giroud, while still possessing the speed of a Donkey, was the perfect link-up player.  Maybe they could be our pre-season players of the year. What was interesting though was the performance of our new boy on the left; he looks like a tank rolling into Washington from Russia. He’s built like a brick-wall. On the other side Nelson looks like he’ll retain a place in the squad for the useless games like League cup and EUFA matches. He’s got a nice head of hair and a lovely turn of pace. Maitland-Niles was forced to both play left defense in the back three and, in order to save money, dropped the first part of his double barrel name. I think those missing 9 letters reduced the cost of the shirt Arsenal charge him for wearing.

OK, that’s it. I’m off to watch our second game of the Emirates Cup and then start work on Part II. Let’s see if I can’t create more drivel prior to the Most Valuable Cup Of All Time. The Charity or Community Cup.


May 27th – Arsenal 2 Chelsea 1

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Fuck me sideways. We just MAGA. I did not see that coming. We were superior, the better team and utterly deserved to win. Could this really be true? Is someone going to wake me up from my (beautiful) dream. Please don’t. This was one of those rare occasions where I wanted the game to continue for another 90 minutes. This was so fucking enjoyable. Never in doubt (aside from my total negativism leading into the game).

Where to start? I still can’t believe we had Ospina in goal. Crazy-arse decision that. And after he flapped at their goal one that could have come back to haunt AW. As it was we immediately resumed our dominance.

From the beginning we dominated. A minute into the game we started to control the ball and found gaps behind Kanti and Automatich. That first goal was dubious not because of the possible offside but the clear handball by Alexis. But I don’t give a fuck. We scored. Deserved it and then had numerous chances there onwards. I can’t recall them all but Welbeck should have scored, Ramsey got one past Courtouis for Cahill to clear it and then Ramsey headed against the post from a Welbeck header from a corner. The balance of the team look good and we were running the game.

Going in one nil up at half-time was worrying only because you had to believe Chelski would not play that badly again in the second half. For 10 minutes they seemed to have found their rhythm but thereafter we reasserted ourselves and controlled the game. We created chances and controlled the game. Our play was smooth and continuous moving the ball around seamlessly. For once, there was no obvious weak-link (aside from Ospina). And once Moses was moronic enough to fall over in our box and Taylor was brave enough to give the second yellow card you knew the cup would most likely be ours. Conti has to answer for why he kept Moses on the field for so long though. He was shit in both halfs and should have been replaced earlier – though arguably this is true of their entire team. Where was Hazard?

Aside from their undeserved goal they barely had 2 shots on goal the entire game. Costa did not deserve to score and Ospina should be holding his head in shame at his pathetic attempt to wave at the ball with his right hand. He should be having nightmares as a result and that should also signal the end of his time with us.

But what a reaction. A response in 30 seconds. Though I understood why Welbeck had to go off I was not thrilled at the idea. But what a run and pass from Elephant man for the Ramsey to time his late run into the box to head in the winner. Fucking brilliant. Cue major celebrations to break out. Another tactical masterstroke from AW. Thereafter we still had more chances but we thoroughly deserved this win. Today, if that game was still being played we’d still be wining.

How can they take of Costa and bring on Batshitwhoever? How can they not put us under more pressure than that? Where were Chelski? Did both teams swap shirts before the game? They played like us and we played like them. If they played like that all season their manager would be the one being abused by their “fans”. And, best of all, John Terry did not get any playing time. That’s the last we’ll see of that fucker – holding a losers medal. Perfect send off.

Today though was about us. How great was it to watch us completely out play them and out smart them tactically. Ramsey in this more forward position was more threatening and more incisive. He was quicker on the ball and quicker to get off it. Ozil glided all over the pitch was helped provide an outlet for Bellerin. Ozil was also doing the defensive work and fouling where necessary. Another classy performance from him. And Bellerin used the space created in front of him so well – so many chances came via him – and a few shots to boot (ha). On the other size Ox and Alexis both clearly struggling with injuries manfully exposed Moses and that side of the team. Alexis notching up another goal and working so hard the entire game.

Xhaka was perfect playing that lone defensive midfield player. Once or twice he got caught on the ball but he was instrumental in running and dictating the place. He has evolved into our Alonso. Some of his passing was spectacular. And that volley shot in the first half demonstrated great technique. Behind him Monreal was excellent letting nothing past. And when faced up with Hazard played him perfectly never allowing him to get past. Holding continues to improve. Some of his passes out of defense were outstanding. Again, like the foul on Coast in the second half and that time in the first when he let the ball bounce behind him that caused Ospina to save from Costa, makes growing mistakes but overall helps solidify that back three.

But my favourite player today and, possibly, the most important one was our own BFG. So calm and so reassuring in defense. Marshalling everyone around him, sliding in where required and always reading the game; his football IQ has to be off the charts. Not having played a full game for the entire season to come in today and play in such a commanding manner was a complete bonus. Mustafi should study that performance very carefully – not one mis-placed pass, no overly aggressive jumping into the tackle; just reading the game perfectly. BFG – the man of the match.

And how about our manager, eh? Perfect tactics. Playing Ramsey slightly further forward and selecting Welbeck over Elephant Man. Welbeck worked so hard today; chased everything and was disruptive to the Chelski back line. It’s just a shame he can’t take his chances.

I loved AW’s comments pre-game. He, of course, was totally right. The retarded, moronic Arsenal fans that have been focusing on AW and not the team should, if they had any shame, should be embarrassed – not because of the result – but because they have been so destructive and petulant about our team. All of us have a right to be angry and pissed off with our wanky performances this year. But the level of abuse hurled at AW is out of all proportion. Last time I checked he’d not murdered anyone, invaded a country or stolen an election. He’s always been working in the best interests of our club even when me makes bad decisions. And, given his longevity, deserves, if nothing else, respectful criticism. Not the personal, destructive and negative demolition of the manager. The time for that analysis was always going to be the end of the season. Not flying stupid fucking planes over stadiums when we’re playing. A pox on all those fans.

But today is a happy day so I’ll leave that topic for another day. Today we were excellent and a joy to watch. If only we had found our game a week or two early in the season. But find it we did. And, finally, in the final, we found a way to turn an essentially defensive formation with three at the back into our most fluent and dynamic performance in this new regime.

So it looks like we’re on our way to MAGA – Making Arsenal Great Again. I love Wembley and I love the F. A. Cup. And Arsenal. Now that’s a way to truly end a season.

Once I’ve returned to planet earth and we get more clarity on the big summer decision I’ll write up more thoughts on MAGA and Arsenal.

Till then.

Back to my dream. We just won the Fucking F. A. Cup!