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This summer has been somewhat challenging. Not because SMERSH/Spectre have succeeded in occupying both Downing Street and the White House at the same time. Not because it’s Florida in Iceland and Morocco in London. Not even because PSG, a team owned and operated by a country, have raided their piggy-bank to waste the GDP of the four poorest countries in the world on a single player.

No, it’s worse than that. I have come to the realization that my hatred and contempt for Sp*rs might be diminishing. This got me to thinking (hm, unlikely I know). Which teams in England do I hate the most? In the past that was a simple answer. It would be:

• Sp*rs
• Sp*rs Reserve Team
• Sp*rs Ladies team (see #1)

But not so any more. How did this come to be? How can this be possible? Will the world now come to a crushing end? After much therapy it seemed only proper that I analyzed the situation to see what the rationale for this horrid state of affairs could be.

So, who would win the Cu*t Premiership League? Here’s how the table looked come the end of the season:

Missing the cut for qualification to the Cu*ts Champions League is Liverpool. Their manager should have been our next manager – once our glorious leader surpasses the reign of Elizabeth II. Their fans are pompous; they still hark back to the ‘70’s and ‘80s when they genuinely dominated. And they think they are way better than they actually are. How I miss the days of Brendon Rogers. He was so wonderfully inept that alone would have kept them out of the top 5.

That team in #4 spot. How could they drop 3 spots?  Because they are now the mini-me of Arsenal except removed 15 years. How can you hate a team that wants to be just like you? Look at their ownership; compare Levy to Dein? Hard to see much difference. Then look at the manager. He’s a mini-Wenger in training. If he stays there 15+ years he’ll be the real thing. They have invigorated their youth policy and he’s prompted younger players. The average age of the team is 12 ½. Their ground is too small so they are spending billions to expand the stadium to the size of Ashburton Grove + 1. Even their transfer policy sounds like ours of 10 years ago where we could not afford to pay players nor sign new ones because of the crushing debt of the new stadium. Even their excuses sound word for word what Fiszman, Gazidis and AW would say about how they only wanted to add someone of real quality and how there’s so little value in the market. They are also on the cusp of running into the wages cap issue whereby their best players – in a year or two – will start to get poached because they’ll be able to double or triple their wages; Walker is but the first example. Not quite Clichy but more a Nasri. And then there’s their style of play now. High press, technical and very watchable. A team populated with some good players and some big noses. Add all this together and you can see they’ve modelled themselves on their superior local neighbor; they are now our younger brother trying to finally grow up. The by-product of which is that it makes them much harder to detest. They have a decent team playing good football with a manger who’s smart and pending new stadium. Of course, their fans are still complete wankers. But you can’t have everything. And none of the above means anyone actually likes them

Deciding between #2 and #3 is like deciding between being punched in the face or kicked in the balls. Who really cares? Both these teams are completely plastic. Prior to their infusion of money no-one, aside from a small number of loyal fans, gave two shits. Both teams had moments of success in the ‘60s and ‘70s. And both teams subsequently got related. Each were taken over by billionaires. Then, all of a sudden, they have hordes of loyal fans who knew nothing of these no-name, no-history teams. Man City, have demonstrated the willingness to waste more money on more players than any other team in England. it’s where English players go to retire. i.e. Delph. Or Sterling. Look at the dross they sign from Spain. Navas? They have two entire teams in their squad. But they have no class. And when both sugar-daddys move one to other distractions, both clubs will revert back to their prior no-name status.

Chelski grab the #2 place purely based on the acidic combination of Abramovich, Terry and DarVader. And it’s the latter that differentiates them. The most dreary team to win the league (prior to Conte, that is); the most toxic manager of all time and the worst advert for the Premier league.

But taking the #1 spot this year (and last) has to be ManU. The team that sold their soul to DarVader. The team that spends more money on overrated players and still manages to tarnish their reputation by playing the most boring football known to man. As irritating at Ferguson was his teams knew how to play attacking football. They buy Pogba, Henrick and Bailey and still fail to get in the top 4. So far they added Lukaku etc for another £150m. And, that fucking manager; the biggest dick in the entire premier league. He’s now spent in excess of £350m on his team. And yet they are like his old Chelski team. Devoid of entertainment and based around the fear of losing. This club has lost any respect it had built over the last 60 years. Their manager is the devil; he is the antithesis of what we expect from the beautiful game. How could DarVader have grown up in the Barca system under the tutelage of Robson and with Cruyff still in the club.

So as much we have a rivalry with Sp*rs and are therefore contractually required to hate them, for the long-term good of football I find myself funneling the bulk of my anger and vitriol at the despicable red devils in the north. If only DarVaders fate could match that of Joffrey Baratheon; then the north could be saved by Jon Snow. Then, finally, the natural order can be reestablished and we can go back to hating those cu*ts at WHL.

-LB7

Due to the overwhelming demand and ecstatic reaction to Part I of this fascinating analysis I have been compelled, in order to reduce civil unrest, to post Part II of this trilogy. Except this trilogy will consist of just two parts. So, as promised, let the drivel continue.

So let’s start with an apology. I was so quick to focus on the Charity/Community/Pointless Cup that I neglected to predict that we would be in the position yesterday to raise aloft the Emirates Cup. How they must be celebrating on the streets of Dubai – though they most probably don’t have streets there just 100 story hotels and 100 degree temperatures.

Which is a perfect segway into one of my favourite topics. FIFA. The organization that makes you pine for the return of the Mafia. If you put FIFA alongside the English FA it would make ask why it is that you can never find a suicide bomber when you need one.

So after the departure of Sepp Fatter and his French cohort Fattini, some might have thought the corruption had been exorcised from this shameful organization. However, so no great surprise the corruption that remains FIFA.

How funny is it to see 6 Arab states (rightly) complain about Qatar being the hosts for the FIFA world cup. They obviously woke up one morning and realized that this was not such a wonderful nation. A few years after having received the obligatory bribes and having gloriously voted for them. Was it because of the sweltering heat? Was it because there is absolutely zero interest in football in this country. Was it because in the long litany of corrupt and absurd FIFA decisions the most egregious mind numbingly corrupt of all decisions? Was it because it because the choice was based on the lie that the competition would be held in the summer rather than causing all the European leagues to rearrange their fixtures to accommodate a winter WC games? Amazingly, it was not of the above (abbreviated) reasons. No, it was because of honest to goodness politics. Of course, we all know that FIFA is above the dirty, smelly drudgery of politics – just like they are with money and corruption. Chuck Blazer must be turning in his grave, if, that is he’s in the ground yet and there’s a coffin large enough to allow him to rotate. Rant over.

What’s happened to the transfer window? How comes, on a relative basis, that there’s so little activity? Aside that is from the insane Neymar transfer. This both links back to corruption and forward to our needs in this window. The common thread is Qatar. Is it possible on planet earth to value let alone pay this much for one player?  And a player that is not that wonderful. And you can be sure he won’t deliver. Just look how he performed in the Brazil WC when the pressure was on. If Ibra could not bring a CL trophy PSG then Neymar certainly won’t. And where exactly is this money coming from? It’s the Qatar Sovereign Fund. Aren’t they supposed to earn a return on their investment? I don’t understand how EUFA and FIFA can stand by and helplessly watch. It’s funny to remember who the shirts sponsors of Barca are though. Speaking of Barca, it will distort everything else because Barca will now have a spare $200m to spend. Not that they need to. But they will. Will that mean the end of Hector for us and Courtinho for Liverpool? Then the ripple effect will start.

Closer to home, it’s good to see that we got Cigarette in early along with the Bosnia tank. We do that every now and then (remember Vermallen?). However, we both need more i.e. Lemur. And we need to flog off some of the refuse. Gibbs has been a fine servant but there’s little need for him now. It’s a shame he never took his opportunity when injuries and loss of form of Monreal opened the door. But at least he was given a chance. Unlike Perez. He’s outdone Campbell (Joel, that is) in getting shown the door when nearly all the fans thought he was a strong addition. He was our Spanish Podolski – albeit without the attitude but with the same rocket left foot. Rumour has it that he was not a AW signing. But, who knows the truth?

It’s also time to say good-bye again to Carl. He’s like the right-back that refuses to leave. I’m sure if we stopped paying him he’d still stay. It’s rare you find someone who actually loves the club. Shame he was short on the talent side. But then, if it was solely based on love of the club I would make fine full-back – but, given my sweet left foot it would have to be at the expense of Monreal. And I could help with the need to keep an English core. The more I think about the more sense it makes for me to reach out to AW. Let’s face it, I’d neither be a burden on the transfer fee nor wages. I’d tick so many boxes. Apart from a few pounds there’s not much difference between me and Santos.

Jack the lad is in a hole. It’s not clear he’ll be around much longer. But, like our Lexus, I hope we sell him overseas. I’d hate to see him in the Premier League. That assumes Jack can come through his recuperation without another injury. Maybe he was work with Santi on combined their various ligaments to make the perfect midfield player.

That’s the obituary for 5 players. OK, so I can’t add but that’s only because I don’t actually want us to loose Chambers (yet). And, of course, most of them are English. Go figure. Given a choice the one player I would actually pay to get rid of would be Ob1. He could easily be previous years Theo of Ox. He has that wonderful ability to underperform; to have big performances in little games. Anyways, these departures will free up some wages and bring in a little transfer money. And on the subject of money….

More TV money only helps the clubs the next level down. The top teams are maxed out already they don’t need more money; they need more players. And the players don’t want to go and sit on the bench – they want to play (well, the good ones anyway). The end result being that the second tier teams are getting lifted up. This all makes it more competitive and actually harder for the top teams to maintain their position. Which also impacts their potential revenue stream. Which means teams need to diversify away from tv revenues and get into world wide marketing. That’s the only way – apart from being funded by Russian or Middle Eastern billionaires – of surviving the mad rush to the top of the league. And, if the TV revenues reverse direction then the fun will begin. If and when the movie gets played in reverse and we’ll see the destruction of a number of clubs. While it’s not likely, at some point, the TV revenues have to at least reach an equilibrium. Then it will be just the ego-driven megalomaniacs that are seeking to sink hundreds of millions to satisfy their egos.

The great Untold Arsenal website talks about prior winners not competing in the champions league – Chelsea and Leicester. Unfortunately, none of them has to play in the Europa Cup otherwise known as the NoHopa cup.

Phew. All my reviewing done for one pre-season. One useless game to come this weekend and then onto a Friday night season opener. What moron at the FA thought this was a good idea? What the hell am I supposed to do for the entire weekend once this game is done on Friday?

-LB7

It’s been most wonderful to take off the last month or so from the onerous duties of generating reports on this world renowned, widely read website. I know how much the masses have been desperate to read the latest postings so I could deny the pleasure no more. After a month of working out in the gym, running marathons, competing in strong man competitions and watching TV (spot the true statement) it’s time to both look backwards and, at the same time, forwards. Not possible and assured of causing a broken neck but I’m game for it.

Looking backwards (but being careful not to fall over) the glow of the F A Cup mastery is flickering with its last embers. Without any Euros or WC to interfere, oh my how, long has that glow persisted., That’s the way to end a season.

We all expected Alexis and Oil to have been signed by now. Either by us or by another team. And neither has happened. At this point, given the attitude change at AFC, I’m less resistant to Alexis leaving for a foreign club. I don’t exactly love his attitude. He’s wages demands are clearly designed to force an exit. But the wonderful thing about contracts is that he’s got no choice. He’s not that RVP like imbecilic who might not give 100% every time. Once Alexis realizes he’s stuck with us he’ll be as passionate and committed as he was last season. And by the end of his contract Man City will have moved on and Alexis will be nearly 30. The pimps at Man City would have moved on to someone else by then. It’s funny how Alexis would want to go to the team managed by the guy that pushed him out at Barcelona. Now that James has signed with Basterd Munich I don’t think Alexis has too many options. Unless he wants to ask for a transfer. Again, if he does then we should flog him to the French or Italians. But not the Middle Eastern lot.

Since AW signed up for 2 more years there have been changes. And most tantalizing is that he’s not so focused on the future but more on the here and now. Gone is the planning for the long-term. I think he’s finally got to the point where he knows that he’s got a year or two to deliver. No investing in the future. No more projects. Now it’s about paying up and getting the finished article. No more waiting for Jack when you can buy someone with a proven track record.

This is a seismic change. Of course, this has to be measured against the certitude and utter conviction of the AAW crowd who stated – because they know these things as fact – that he was incapable of change. But then he was also incapable of changing tactics. He was also incapable of building a defensive backline or defensive player. And, of course, he could not win any trophies. How wise these people are.

So we have signed the classic French forward Cigarette. Will he turn out to be a Henry or Wiltod. My suspicion is the latter. And we still in the hunt for the remaining ashes of the Monaco team. Must be fun to support that team – The tax haven equivalent of being a Southampton fan.

But maybe more importantly, there have been backroom changes. Again, because we all actually know what goes on in the inner sanctum at Arsenal. We have our Invincible goalie back. And the BFG is going to run the Academy next year.  What does this all mean. For starters we’ve changed MAGA from Make Arsenal Great Again to Make Arsenal German again. I also hear we’re soon to rename the stadium to the Arsenal Bunker. I suspect this is the German reaction to Brexit – a reverse takeover of Arsenal. We will be more efficient. We will steamroller through Europe. We will be happy. Be happy boy!  Otherwise incur the wrath of Jens.

And finally, I never normally comment on pre-season games. When I was a younger, hairier, teetheier, thinner and even more perfect me, I never even knew there was a pre-season. No one knew who we played pre-season and we certainly did not know the scores. Even today I’m not sure there were actual pre-season games. There was the community shield and then the season. So, suffice it to say I don’t give a flying fuck about pre-season. Aside that is for us signing the worlds best players (and our own).

However, it’s taken so long to write this pre-season piece that it’s run into yesterdays game versus Benfica. How irrelevant are these games? So irrelevant that Theo, with his lovely haircut, looks played a rock-star and Giroud, while still possessing the speed of a Donkey, was the perfect link-up player.  Maybe they could be our pre-season players of the year. What was interesting though was the performance of our new boy on the left; he looks like a tank rolling into Washington from Russia. He’s built like a brick-wall. On the other side Nelson looks like he’ll retain a place in the squad for the useless games like League cup and EUFA matches. He’s got a nice head of hair and a lovely turn of pace. Maitland-Niles was forced to both play left defense in the back three and, in order to save money, dropped the first part of his double barrel name. I think those missing 9 letters reduced the cost of the shirt Arsenal charge him for wearing.

OK, that’s it. I’m off to watch our second game of the Emirates Cup and then start work on Part II. Let’s see if I can’t create more drivel prior to the Most Valuable Cup Of All Time. The Charity or Community Cup.

-LB7

Fuck me sideways. We just MAGA. I did not see that coming. We were superior, the better team and utterly deserved to win. Could this really be true? Is someone going to wake me up from my (beautiful) dream. Please don’t. This was one of those rare occasions where I wanted the game to continue for another 90 minutes. This was so fucking enjoyable. Never in doubt (aside from my total negativism leading into the game).

Where to start? I still can’t believe we had Ospina in goal. Crazy-arse decision that. And after he flapped at their goal one that could have come back to haunt AW. As it was we immediately resumed our dominance.

From the beginning we dominated. A minute into the game we started to control the ball and found gaps behind Kanti and Automatich. That first goal was dubious not because of the possible offside but the clear handball by Alexis. But I don’t give a fuck. We scored. Deserved it and then had numerous chances there onwards. I can’t recall them all but Welbeck should have scored, Ramsey got one past Courtouis for Cahill to clear it and then Ramsey headed against the post from a Welbeck header from a corner. The balance of the team look good and we were running the game.

Going in one nil up at half-time was worrying only because you had to believe Chelski would not play that badly again in the second half. For 10 minutes they seemed to have found their rhythm but thereafter we reasserted ourselves and controlled the game. We created chances and controlled the game. Our play was smooth and continuous moving the ball around seamlessly. For once, there was no obvious weak-link (aside from Ospina). And once Moses was moronic enough to fall over in our box and Taylor was brave enough to give the second yellow card you knew the cup would most likely be ours. Conti has to answer for why he kept Moses on the field for so long though. He was shit in both halfs and should have been replaced earlier – though arguably this is true of their entire team. Where was Hazard?

Aside from their undeserved goal they barely had 2 shots on goal the entire game. Costa did not deserve to score and Ospina should be holding his head in shame at his pathetic attempt to wave at the ball with his right hand. He should be having nightmares as a result and that should also signal the end of his time with us.

But what a reaction. A response in 30 seconds. Though I understood why Welbeck had to go off I was not thrilled at the idea. But what a run and pass from Elephant man for the Ramsey to time his late run into the box to head in the winner. Fucking brilliant. Cue major celebrations to break out. Another tactical masterstroke from AW. Thereafter we still had more chances but we thoroughly deserved this win. Today, if that game was still being played we’d still be wining.

How can they take of Costa and bring on Batshitwhoever? How can they not put us under more pressure than that? Where were Chelski? Did both teams swap shirts before the game? They played like us and we played like them. If they played like that all season their manager would be the one being abused by their “fans”. And, best of all, John Terry did not get any playing time. That’s the last we’ll see of that fucker – holding a losers medal. Perfect send off.

Today though was about us. How great was it to watch us completely out play them and out smart them tactically. Ramsey in this more forward position was more threatening and more incisive. He was quicker on the ball and quicker to get off it. Ozil glided all over the pitch was helped provide an outlet for Bellerin. Ozil was also doing the defensive work and fouling where necessary. Another classy performance from him. And Bellerin used the space created in front of him so well – so many chances came via him – and a few shots to boot (ha). On the other size Ox and Alexis both clearly struggling with injuries manfully exposed Moses and that side of the team. Alexis notching up another goal and working so hard the entire game.

Xhaka was perfect playing that lone defensive midfield player. Once or twice he got caught on the ball but he was instrumental in running and dictating the place. He has evolved into our Alonso. Some of his passing was spectacular. And that volley shot in the first half demonstrated great technique. Behind him Monreal was excellent letting nothing past. And when faced up with Hazard played him perfectly never allowing him to get past. Holding continues to improve. Some of his passes out of defense were outstanding. Again, like the foul on Coast in the second half and that time in the first when he let the ball bounce behind him that caused Ospina to save from Costa, makes growing mistakes but overall helps solidify that back three.

But my favourite player today and, possibly, the most important one was our own BFG. So calm and so reassuring in defense. Marshalling everyone around him, sliding in where required and always reading the game; his football IQ has to be off the charts. Not having played a full game for the entire season to come in today and play in such a commanding manner was a complete bonus. Mustafi should study that performance very carefully – not one mis-placed pass, no overly aggressive jumping into the tackle; just reading the game perfectly. BFG – the man of the match.

And how about our manager, eh? Perfect tactics. Playing Ramsey slightly further forward and selecting Welbeck over Elephant Man. Welbeck worked so hard today; chased everything and was disruptive to the Chelski back line. It’s just a shame he can’t take his chances.

I loved AW’s comments pre-game. He, of course, was totally right. The retarded, moronic Arsenal fans that have been focusing on AW and not the team should, if they had any shame, should be embarrassed – not because of the result – but because they have been so destructive and petulant about our team. All of us have a right to be angry and pissed off with our wanky performances this year. But the level of abuse hurled at AW is out of all proportion. Last time I checked he’d not murdered anyone, invaded a country or stolen an election. He’s always been working in the best interests of our club even when me makes bad decisions. And, given his longevity, deserves, if nothing else, respectful criticism. Not the personal, destructive and negative demolition of the manager. The time for that analysis was always going to be the end of the season. Not flying stupid fucking planes over stadiums when we’re playing. A pox on all those fans.

But today is a happy day so I’ll leave that topic for another day. Today we were excellent and a joy to watch. If only we had found our game a week or two early in the season. But find it we did. And, finally, in the final, we found a way to turn an essentially defensive formation with three at the back into our most fluent and dynamic performance in this new regime.

So it looks like we’re on our way to MAGA – Making Arsenal Great Again. I love Wembley and I love the F. A. Cup. And Arsenal. Now that’s a way to truly end a season.

Once I’ve returned to planet earth and we get more clarity on the big summer decision I’ll write up more thoughts on MAGA and Arsenal.

Till then.

Back to my dream. We just won the Fucking F. A. Cup!

-LB7

Twenty years. Pfew up in smoke. It was never in our hands today. And there was now chance LFC could blow it against a relegated team. It was delusional to think otherwise (especially when Martin Atkinson is the referee). But that’s not the point. That will come (hopefully) later on.

Today we dominated for the first 14 minutes and then found a way to win and we lost various center-halfs. It’s hard to know how to describe this game or it’s relevance. It’s not clear to crowd cared that much or the Everton players. It was also tough to get too involved emotionally in the game. After the season we’ve suffered through and knowing the inevitable result that would come from Anfield I suspect most were already emotionally drained. Nonetheless, we did play well, started quickly out of the blocks and deserved to take the lead. And then deserved to go down a man. As Koz went charging towards the ball I was screaming to hold back but he went Mustafi-like into a challenge he could not win with both feet off the ground. It was not a difficult decision for Oliver. It’s a shame thereafter Oliver could not retain that consistency; how Williams stayed on the pitch after he’s first booking is hard to fathom. Not that it mattered.

Back to that first goal. All Ozil all the time. Today he showed yet further glimpses that that he’s re-discovered his game. He was way more involved in our play and some of his individual flicks and moves were delightful. On a number of occasions, he was able to maneuver the ball in tight circumstances when mere mortals would have lost the ball. He was the conductor of that first goal. Poor Welbeck. It will take a long-time for him to live down that miss. He’ll be experiencing nightmares for along time – as he should. Fortunately, Bellerin was playing today not Bellend and we took the lead.

The second goal was weird. Their entire defense stopped as Welbeck pondered on what to do. Eventually though he passed to Alexis who slotted it away. Not bad while being down to 10 men. Everton had their chances. Unsurprisingly our defense was all over the place; Monreal continue to bomb up field and we had little cover in-front of our defense. BigEars though saved us on a number of occasions – he really did excel today. Holding was also pretty good – aside from when he was in our penalty area trying to hold the ball. Cech continued to stabilize the defense. And it was good to see him run up the pitch (and even better that he did not pull his calf or hamstring) to badger Oliver to lobby him to send off Williams for his second yellow offense.

We lost our second center-half in the second half. BigEars had been so dominant; one of his most impressive performances. Oliver managed to find a way to still give him a yellow as he was carried off even though he won the ball without going through the back of the player. So that’s two center-halfs will be missing at Wembley. Am I glad I won’t be there in person to suffer.

Even with 10 men we continued to create chances while Lukaku continued to miss the numerous ones he had. In fact, Cech barley had an extraordinary save to make. Ozil, Welbeck and Ob1 all had chances to score on the break. Alexis also pulled the strings along with Ozil. Ramsey was, again, way more effective when he plays further up the pitch. Xhaka was solid with some perfect cross-field, pinpoint passes. It was as surprising to see him be the one to make way for our Coq as it was that we had to wait so long to see him appear. Overall, agains, we played quite well and showed more progress in the transition from Bolton/Burnley back to Arsenal. But, really, who gives a shit. Irrespective of next week-end, we failed.

So, what’s the point? We missed out on Champions League football. We’re now consigned to the tinpot Europa Cup where Sp*rs have lived for decades. How pathetic is this? We’ll now have to look forward to Thursday Night football against Sparta Boobies United from the third division of the Macedonia part-time league. An entire generation of Arsenal fans have no idea what this is like. I think someone we know quite well once said “If you eat caviar every day it’s difficult to return to sausages”. One of my first memories was when we won the Faris Cup (the predecessor to the Europa) – our first cup for 17 years back in the early ‘70s. It lead to the double the following year. Unfortunately, this feels more like we’re going in the reverse direction.

Before we get to fully diagnose this year implosion and all the pending critical summer decisions and the pleasure of playing in the YourNoHopeA Cup, we have the small matter of an F. A. Cup final against the Russians. I’m guessing we’ll go into that game without Koz or BigEars. That will put Mustafa (if he’s recovered) alongside Holding and then the decision will be whether we have the BFG or Monreal in the back three. Without Ox and with Gibbs injured (and useless) it’s not clear how we’ll line-up. And let’s hope Alexis and strap himself together.

I’m just grateful I won’t have to be there in the stadium watching Ramsey back-heeling the ball into the path of Hazard as he races through to set up Diego to slide it past Cech. I’ll at least be able to suffer the pain in the comfort of my own surroundings. Of course, the walls will be bear the brunt of the broken bottles and thrown food.

Today was not unexpected. It’s just galling that we missed by just a single point. It brings even more into focus the abject pathetic nature of our Watford, Crystal Palace and West Brom performances. Sure we won the last 7 but by then it was all over. Ahead of the Wembley game I’ll hold off for now on how we finally MAGA and, likewise, (though it overlaps) with a dissection of our squad.

Today marks the end of an era. Let’s hope next week is the cherry on the top of the era rather than yet another step down the slippery slope to mediocrity.

-LB7

As the actress said to the bishop, this will be a quick one.

To be fair Sunderland were better than Stoke. But that’s like saying pooh is better than stinky pooh. And I wouldn’t say that.

A nice ½ empty stadium to witness a rather tedious game. Nothing too much was to be learned from this. Even if the result was more never-racking than it needed to be.

As we saw at the weekend, Alexis is back. He’s running this team. He should be captain now. Scoring goals and creating. He has managed to wake up Ozil. And he manages to find a way to play alongside elephant man. If only he could find a way to find the AR8. Tonight he seemed to take a couple of steps back. When the play by-passes AR8 we made some progress. He was not with it today. I suspect he was carrying an injury and now he’ll be sidelined.

But we can’t play with both Gibbs and Bellend. Gibbs just has no clue what to do with the ball going forward. Funny that given that he started as a winger. Again a team like Stoke or even playing away – where we need some defense I get it. But at home against a shit team he does not help too much. And Bellend also has no real clue and looks to hand off the ball to others.

But we have Xhaka running the team now to help us along. Notice how he’s introduced long, raking passes x-field. I think AR8 even copied him and perfectly played, in the first half, a x-field pass to Bellend. He’s moving the ball quicker. And he started the move to Ozil that created the first goal. Defensively he’s still a little suspect but he’s now the platform of our team.

Unfortunately when we start to move the ball more quickly our elephant man gets left behind. Look carefully for that first goal and you’ll see that neither of our center forwards made a move to attack the ball. Alexis (obviously) did and behind him was Holding. But elephant man was on the edge of the box watching and Welbeck was watching from the penalty spot.

Would you want Butman as you’re back up (no pun intended) to Cech next year? On this showing he demonstrated promise and I’d prefer him to Ospina. Without him Sunderland would have lost by more than five goals. But it does not look like that goal difference matters now. It’s very long odds now against us. In truth I’m a little surprised we got this close to the top 4. And it just goes to show how maddening and pathetic it was that we threw those points away against Crystal Palace, Watford and West Brom. Just a single point from any of these three games and…..(of course, Liverpool could claim the same with their.

So, onto Sunday. Let’s see if we can feed the Liverpool the same lunch fare that Sp*rs ate for their West Ham game. Unlikely though as Middlesborough are truly poor – just not as poor as Shitty Stoke.

– LB7

World Beaters! Are we rediscovering how to play football? I doubt it. But today was fun. Borderline enjoyable. I mean, even Michael Dean could not destroy the game for us. Though, in the lead-up to their second goal (and the previous 5 minutes) he randomly decided to let them foul us at every opportunity.

I’ve been to Stoke. It’s a shithole. Their stadium is decent but their fans are tossers. How dare they whistle AR8 when he comes on. And, truly, their players were are drab and dreary as their fans. They set up as though they were the away team with no intention of playing. What’s the point of that when you’re safely ensconced in the middle of the table without fear of relegation. It’s a free option for you. Why not come out and play football – take some chances and put Arsenal under pressure? It makes no sense. It’s not like they even tried to blood some younger players. Instead they tried to bore everyone to death. What’s the point in that when it’s your last home game of the season.

Thankfully we turned up today. At least one team played. And today Alexis finally reappeared after his long spring hibernation. Gone were the careless passes. Instead he buzzed around the field and helped create all things good. And how big was our Coq today? Immense. Playing slightly further forward he was imperious. Xhaka played a little deeper but was again excellent. That balance we’ve lacked previously was there today. Partly because the Stoke morons gave us such much space. But for our first goal I had initially thought it was Ozil that played that pass behind their full back for Bellerin. But, no, knock me down with a feather, it was our Coq.  Bellerin then got in a great cross for the elephant man to convert.

With injuries to both wing backs we benefitted my moving Monreal up into that left wing back slot. It meant all our creativity came down that left hand side. On another day Monreal could have had two goals – he was our primary threat at 0-0.  On the right Bellerin remains deep in a funk. He had moments where he sparked into action. But overall he looks lost. When receiving the ball he seems unsure what to do with it. Contrast that with the Ox who powers on forward. Naturally he does though help on the defensive side (sometimes). But neither he nor Holding is brilliant at stopping crosses coming in from that side of the pitch.

How strange was it to see us start the game aggressively and to dominate in the first half. It was slightly worrying that we were only 1-0 up at half-time. How likely would it be that we’d play two good halves of football? Fortunately today the odds were in our favour. I had have expected that the “real” Stoke would come out in the second half but thankfully they’d already left for their summer holidays (on a beach somewhere under a cloudy sky in Margate).

But that second goal was majestic. Arsenal at it’s best. Alexis at his best. Beautiful to watch. It felt like slow motion the way Alexis held the ball for, what seemed like, a second too long. But even leading up to that pass we’d held onto the ball for a long time. It would be interesting to know how many passes proceed that pass. Dare I say it was Bergkampesque in precision, timing and weight of passing. And Ozil finished elegantly. A lovely example of role reversal. As has been said – Alexis is our Creator in Chief.

We were lucky enough to witness the hilarious miss of the year by Diouf; and his reward was to be taken off. There is no justice.  With the introduction of the lanky Couch (intentional) Stoke reverted to type. Both with their physical play and pumping high balls into our box. We failed to cut out their crosses from our right and Couch pulled a Maradona and punched the ball into the net.

And then moments after indicating he needed to be subbed, Alexis, with a hand from Ozil and Xhaka, attacked the box as their defenders backed-off and scored the deciding goal. He left the field to a standing ovation from our travelling fans. Let’s hope he’s fit enough for Tuesdays game.

With all the subs AR8 made an appearance. And, playing, higher up the pitch he made an immediate impact. He could have scored twice before setting up Giroud for his second goal from within the 6 yard area.

All in all a good result. A good performance. A good day. You’d still get long odds for us clinching that last place – we left it too late. It would seem we’ve found a more settled framework that the team is starting to settle into. It’s a little unrealistic though to measure our success against the teams we’re now playing their frame of mind. When we needed this formation to prove itself – at WHL for instance – the formation and the team failed miserably. So beating the trash teams we’re now playing does not prove too much. Still, it’s better to win than lose (or draw) and you can only beat the shit that’s put in front of you.

Up next another world-beating Sunderland team with their ex-MU manager. I hate to see this as the “easy” game. Let’s hope Alexis is fit to play and WHU do us another favour on Sunday.

-LB7

24 hours later the glow has yet to fade. Two 2-0 scores in a row. Knock me down with a feather. But lez be honest – Love the result hated the game.

It helps (again) that Southampton were pretty shit. I can’t understand how they drew at Anfield. Though I can see why they could not score.

In the first minute the camera nearly missed their first chance. It exposed some of our flaws (there are so many….). Holding can’t defend a winger and Ox (may he’s hamstring rest in peace) can’t defend either. But Mustafa was there to intercept.

They had a couple of chances but again our Cech man was there to literally save us. If Alexis had been playing for them we would have lost the game in the first half. Which, as is the case with our team, was pretty drab.

There’s a weird symmetry in our team now. On the right we have a wingback who is exciting when going forward but very suspect while defending. Whereas on our left, Gibbs understands positional how to defend and interchanges seamlessly with Monreal. However, when it comes to creating and attacking play he is too timid and uncertain to help create anything that comes close to what Ox can do (even on just one hamstring).

One by-product of playing a back 3 is that, when Mustafa is playing, there are plenty of players to take the ball off our defenders. So, in this game at least, Mustafa only played one poor pass – which happened to be his only pass. Overall I still remain unconvinced by him. He goes to ground too often and too quickly. He overcommits in areas of the pitch where he should give himself more space. Overall though he did pretty well. Well enough that it was not obvious that our Koz was not playing.

So while the defense is more solid with this formation our creative side is suffering – as was evident in the first half. It improved in the second half because, well, we are a second half team (expect at WHL). Alexis now drops deeper to receive the ball and initiate our moves. He is weird. As the game proceeds he gets better – it’s as though his competitive juices invigorate him just as other players start to tire. Ozil helped; he was more involved but he’s playing more out on the left and further away from Alexis. That lovely first goal game through their inter-change when they were closer to each other.

Thereafter Southampton open up and that created more opportunities for us. As with ManU once we had that lead we looked a superior team. AR8 continues to make more runs forward – as does Ozil. And Xhaka continues to be the engine of the team. The second goal stemmed from Alexis non stop action down the left. And credit to Ramsey with the header back. It’s a shame DW23 was not there to head it in but at least our elephant man was there.

It’s interesting to reflect on the demise of both Ob1 and Theo. Neither have been really part of the team for a long time now. This is a positive sign. They had their chances and did not take them. Not having Lucas though is a negative. He might not defend like Gibbs but he’d be a nice option to have.

We’re still too far away from the top 4. At this stage we’re playing for discovery purposes. Can we discover a formation that works for us. This might be it but the personal aren’t quite there. It feels like we could lose Ox for a while. Bellend again showed himself to be a mere shadow of his pre injury form. We will miss Ox (which, 3 month ago would have been a surprising statement).

I still feel we were lucky on the night. Lucky to have Cech to save us. But better to be lucky than good. Though being both at the same time would be preferable.

A quick update to MAGA:

1. Restrict the BPL to just us, Man U and Southampton

So onto Saturday

-LB7

 

Finally, I can write a review. So welcome back to AA. Arsenal Anonymous. After last week’s debacle, I’d been so drained of life that I could not face writing a review about the only team that turned up. My efforts at MAGA (“Make Arsenal Great Again”) went up in smoke after only a week or so. So, I figured I should recalibrate expectations to MAAFTA (“Make Arsenal A Football Team Again”). And maybe I could enjoin the Great DT to negotiate the Best terms for a Good, Good deal.

Thankfully though, for today, there’s an actual match to review and a team to actually dissect. This was a pleasant unexpected surprise. Not to say it was not warranted.

ManU and DarthVader set themselves up for the pity play. The largest sports franchise in the world with the worlds most expensive player influencing the media to feel oh so sorry for a team that has to play both in Europe and the Premier League at the same time. Shocking. They must be the first team to ever have to play in the league and Europe at the same time. Imagine that. Who knew? How hard for poor MU with all those injuries. Who knew there were 38 games in the league they’d have to play?  It’s so unfair that the less wealthy teams are put into these situations.

Last time I checked Arsenal had more games to play (and have had) over the last few weeks – and we’d not spent more than the GDP of most third world countries on summer signings. So this does not explain how DarthVader set their team up. All defensive all the time. This felt like it would be a re-match of Bolton V Blackburn Rovers.

Except today we were not quite Bolton. And AR8 was not quite Aaron Ramsey. There I said it. And let me go further into unchartered territory – Ramsey played quite well today. OK, that’s enough wild praise for one game. I’m starting to ponder whether AR8 is not quite as shit as I still think he is. Today we saw both sides. His defensive work is shabby and his distribution is poor. But when he gets into the final third he’s the only one who makes those old Freddy runs. The realization hit that Ar8 is the Welsh equivalent of Swedish underwear stud – without the red hair. In the first half he induced a fine save from DerGear. And multiple times AR8 made key runs behind their defense and often into their box. Often times it was our CIC (Creator In Chief) the re-discovered Alexis who supplied the passes.

It was noticeable today that with Danny instead of the elephant man playing up front that we were more nimble and dynamic. Though I’m not convinced (even with the bullet header)  by DW23, it does allow Alexis more movement and freedom. Ozil – until we went 2-0 up – was fairly quiet and found it difficult to get into good positions to break down the Blackburn-like defense erected across the pitch. Even the Ox was limited to a few speculative shots. But behind him he has the boy Holding rather than BigEars. Aside from the sideways pass Holding made to their BigEars – who ten years ago would have scored – it’s refreshing to see him play. Immediately after that fuck-up, in the same position he launched a left footed back pass to Cech – a great sign of no fear and natural ability.

In front of them alongside AR8 was the rebranded Xhaka. He now owns our midfield. Everything runs through him. He picks the ball up from our back 3 and defines our play. Often Alexis comes to him to receive the ball. Ozil has yet to figure out where we really fits in this new set up. But Xhaka clearly has. If only we had Santi alongside him. That would be a real platform.

In the first half nearly all our good moves came down the left hand side. Evidentially there was a match last Sunday. Anyway, in that game, Gibbs got pillared – unfairly I think. Today you saw more growth and development from him. He defends well – complements Monreal – and loves going forward. His crossing needs work but then he’s not been playing regularly for the last 50 years. He needs time. Of course, after 50 games he’d still not get into anyone else’s team. But he’s all we’ve got currently and today he made good contributions – he was an asset.

The rejuvenated one aka The Ox again reveled in the attacking play down the right. He’s not quite figured out how to link up with Holding. But the English side of the team shows promise. In the first half Holding played a defense splitting ball that Ox hesitated over. Often though Ox gets caught out defensively – he does not have the position acumen yet. Hopefully that will come because going forward he’s an Electric Ox. Todays cross for the DW23 was reminiscent of the one for Monreal against the other Manchester lot.

So I’m still not convinced by this new formation. Against a better team (see last week) I would have worried. But today, against a poor poor ManU team we grew into the game and thoroughly deserved the win. The last three months have been traumatic. I’ve only been comforted by memories of the last 20 years and remain fearful of the next 20. But today we deserved to win, were clearly the better team and started to show some signs that we might be figuring out how to pass the ball to each other and create chances. After Ox provided that perfect cross for DW23 we seemed to find some swagger in our game. I don’t want to support Bolton, West Brom or Stoke. I want to see us play football. It’s not just all about the results. And at 2-0 up you could see some confidence find it’s way back into the team. We had many more chances to add to the score while they only had a few chances. And then Koz was excellent at the back marshaling the defense. It was nice to see our Coq reappear in public and even more amusing to see him launch himself in front of a Rooney shot. But they barely tested Cech today. They really were poor. But maybe the best part of their performance was their managers interview. He was quite delightful in deflecting from the non-existent performance today. With players like Mata, Mika-whatever, Martial and their BigEars their fans had a right to expect more. But they had no game. And no intent to play. That is exactly the kind of team I would detest supporting. But nonetheless DarthVader manager to spin their performance into a thing of beauty and endless chances they failed to take.  I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again. What monumental wanker this guy is. He surely has the most toxic personality in all of football. A narcissistic prick. It’s always about him. Remind you of anyone? If DarthVader and DT had a love child I do think though it would look like their Rooney – that would explain his ears and his voice.

Today I did not sit there in fear. It’s very rare you’ll come up against at top 6 team that is to abject (unless, that it, we played ourselves). After our two goals there was very little to be fearful of apart from our future – or lack of it. Even with the weekend results, it’s destined that we’ll miss out on the top 4 this year. We really have had to work hard to miss out. Liverpool have tried to help us as have City. We should admire their generosity but understand that we are just not worthy. Last Sunday proved that (if there was any doubt).

So enjoy todays result. Remember, it’s Arsenal so we’re bound to come crashing down to earth at Southampton. The 4-0 thrashing at their place is still fresh in my painful memory banks. All I ask for is not to be embarrassed. Conversely, if we were embarrassed maybe that would generate real change at AFC. However, with no football IQ to be found anywhere outside of AW it’s pretty clear there is no-one at the board who knows the first thing about football. Rather than be focused on AW and his decision the future of this club is only at risk because of the negligence of our ownership and our CEO. It is their responsibility to plan for the future and put the necessary long term structures in place. Instead there is a void where leadership should be. I would not expect nor want to hear form the board during the season. I don’t want to hear them discuss the AW situation in-season – even when we’re going through our own implosion. I’m not interested in their words. It’s their actions that count. So don’t’ get sidetrack by the bullshit you hear about AFC just focus on what actually changes. My money is still on no change at AFC. Two More years. Two More Years. ½ a DT term. Yikes.

So how do we MAGA? That, dear reader, requires more thought and consideration. In lieu of that let me leave you with my MAGA contributions:

1. Decapitate Tony Gayle
2. Cut out the tongue of Stewart Robson
3. Sign up Kate Upton in place of Theo. Start her as our naked right-winger. Instant pleasure.
4. Likewise with Jennifer Anniston. Instant improvement in team chemistry
5. Donate AR8 to a charity of anyones choice; throw in Sanogo (remember him) for the hell of it
6. Extend the contract of DarthVader at Man U for another ten years
7. Have Real Madrid sign as their new manager Potachino
8. When Brexit is finalized, leave EUFA and replace it with the Emirates Cup with auto qualification for us to the final
9. Introduce porno flicks in the away team changing rooms before games and at half-time
10. Bring back the original AFC crest (yes, I know this is a repeat but the best is worthy of restating).

Enjoy the glow of todays wonderful result and beware of Wednesday

-LB7

 

 

 

That was a pleasant surprise. This had a nil nil draw written all over it. They did not come to play and we could not play too much.

Unfortunately I had to listen to the retard Tony Gail bleat all over the commentary. He is such a monumental wanker; so completely biased and negative to Arsenal. But worse than that he is a Neanderthal with regard to tactics. His thinking is the perfect example of the reason why England can’t produce a decent national team. He only knows how to get stuck in and then hit the big man up top via route 1. It’s amazing he played for West Ham (to be fair he was shit). If only we could put him and Michael Owen in a dingy and drop it off somewhere in the middle of the Pacific…

Back to the game. As I’ve long given up that we will qualify for the Champions League and I’m equally sure that AW will be with us next year, I continue to look for indications that we can Make Arsenal Great Again (“MAGA”). That is the lens through which I view each game – aside from the next one. Is there improvement and evolution? Are we developing? Even after 20 minutes it was clear this formation with the infamous 3 at the back is improving the level of our play. With the players we currently have and with the self-belief still mired in the dirt, this system suits us better. We pass out of the back more cleanly and also are less exposed defensively.

As the game progressed there were only rare chances for them but, unfortunately, less for us. Of course playing with just 10 men did not help. I don’t get why we’d only field a team of 10 players and allow a ball-boy to come in and take the number 14 jersey. That seems irresponsible to me. And very unfair to Theo. Someone must have locked him up in the dressing room and then hijacked his jersey. We need to send out a search party to find our caffined and tattooed winger. It’s inconceivable there could be any other reason for that performance because surely a player who’d not played for the last 2 games (or maybe more I can’t remember) would have been energized to have been in the starting eleven and have run around full of energy trying to prove to others he was worthy. Unfortunately the ball-boy proved to be wholly unworthy.

Unfortunately this formation also shows up the limitations of our Coq. As much as I adore this boy and love his fight he looks lost because he often finds himself upfield in positions requiring creativity. Of course, replacing him with the side-ways and back-wards AR8 does not exactly solve the issue.

But the formation does help our defense. Monreal has been a star in each of the last two games. Likewise BigEars. Bellend seemed slightly improved but then it must be tough having a ballboy play in front of you. That’s why all our progress came down our left.

Someone also has to go and find Alexis. Today nearly everything he tried suck so loud. Every touch was too heavy and every pass was to them. Just goes to show that shit happens even to the best of us. He will come back though it’s been a while now – Sunday would be nice. But I was happy to see him return to the center of the attack. Again, it did not help that the ballboy was off to the right. When Alexis would create and then look up to the static ballboy who’d not attack the box or the ball he must have wondered what team he was on. Let’s pray we get the Ox back on Sunday.

Xhaka was imperious again. This set up suits him. All good things ran through him. And he connected well with Ozil. The defense now look for Xhaka to release the ball to him. This helps our fluency.

Not that we were by any means great today. But we were a little better. Just a smidge. And we need to be better this Sunday. I’d easily settled for a point now. There is no way we can win there – if we do I’ll go out an by a ton of lotto tickets. That team is way better than us and they have a winning mentality. They will know we’re vulnerable. If they beat us then they are assured of finishing above us for the first time since electricity was invented. In addition they have the dual motivation of still striving for the title and also killing off our Champions League aspirations.

My only hope is that we are not embarrassed. We need to expect an onslaught and be ready for battle. The atmosphere will be intense and toxic. We can’t afford any weakness. They are a better team so we have to have the right mental attitude. More semi-final and less Crystal Palace. More backbone and less Watford. It will be a high tempo pressing game from them. we will need to find the best from Alexis and hope that the Ox returns. This is not a game for the ballboy. I’d also revert to Holding on the left. Basically it should be the Semi-final team without Giroud. Not that I’m in love with DW23 but he at least has some mobility.

Though I should be enjoying the warm glow of 3 points that we were fortunate to gain I’m more worried about how my weekend will go. I’ve been worrying about Sunday for too long. This could be painful.

– LB7